Life After Rehab

Day 32 & 33…

March 24, 2015 — Leave a comment

Day 32- clean sheets and pork

Today when I woke up, I decided it was time to wash the sheets.  I started with the baby crib, because of course he would need to use it again before any of the rest of us.  Next, my sheets.  Why?  Because I am selfish.  There is nothing worse than looking forward to clean linens when you are headed to the bedroom, only to remember you left them in the washer all day soaking wet.  I wanted to avoid that happening to me at all cost, even if it meant someone else had to spend another night on dirty sheets.

As my sheets were in the dryer, I was preparing dinner. (Yes, you did the math correctly, there are a lot of missing hours in there…I may have gotten a little distracted.) We were making pizza and I was frying up some Italian sausage.  I love me some pork.  As I was browning the deliciousness, I thought about the Old Testament law that forbid eating pig.  What, dear Lord, were you thinking?

Then, I thought about how that all changed when Jesus came and Peter had that vision about eating unclean animals.  (It was really all about Jesus accepting all of us people, the Jew and the Gentile, but whatever….)  Oh, sweet Jesus came and gave us back “the other white meat!”  Ava has a shirt that says, “BACON…another reason I know Jesus loves me.”  Oh, yes. Yes, he does.

Pork is great.  Pork chops, bacon, tenderloin, pork roast, carnitas…even pork rinds…all good.  What is even better is that Jesus made the unclean clean.  The freedom acquired by His sacrifice on the cross allows us all kinds of good things, including forgiveness, a clean record,  and new life.  Just like my dirty sheets rolling in the dryer, we have all been given a fresh start, a clean slate.  There is nothing like it…well, except maybe sliding into a clean bed with a full belly.  AMEN.

“And I heard a voice saying to me, ‘Rise, Peter; kill and eat.’ ” 

Acts 11:7

 

 Day 33- Jon Acuff

Jon Acuff was in Houston this morning promoting his book, Do Over, and offering a short discussion and networking opportunity called “Do Over Club.”  The New York Times best-selling author really challenged me in his approach to opportunity and risk, and especially self-promotion.  He said when we do something awesome, we should tell people about it.

WHAT?!?!

That is really, really hard for me!  Out of fear of not being humble, I keep my mouth shut about most of what I do that turns out well, (even if it’s finally getting the right number of seconds on the microwave, finding that perfect medium between lukewarm hotdog and wiener explosion).  I am more inclined to talk about how I could improve, try harder, or just be different.  I was encouraged by his upbeat, fearless, and carefree attitude.

In the spirit of taking risks and jumping into opportunities, I gave him a copy of my book, A Girl and Her Warhorse.  I discovered that I wasn’t completely at a loss for words, which was surprising, but also that my deodorant is not meeting-best-selling-author-proof.  He may not read it, which I’m secretly praying for, because that means all risk is void and nothing is lost.  When I consider him actually opening it, I start to panic and freak.  What if he thinks it’s stupid?  Not well written?  Boring?

And then I remember, (again), that I’ve got to just trust Jesus.  I need to lean on what He has done for me through this process.  My relationship with Jesus is deeper due to writing this book. God may have done all of this–led me down this path–just for His pursuit of my heart.  I pray that He uses the book to foster the same intimacy for others, but if it’s just for me…I can be happy with that.

So thank you, Jon Acuff.  Unknown to you, I added you to Lent.  Thanks for encouraging us and softening the awkwardness of taking leaps of faith.  I will just keep walking through the doors in front of me, in fear, yes, but jumping through them.  I will apply lots of hustle and jump a little more.  I’ll just keep smiling and rejoicing at the awkwardness that ensues.  I’m feeling a flip in my heart when it comes to this journey.  Thank you.

“He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord.”

Psalm 40:3

Day 28, 29, 30, and 31…

March 23, 2015 — Leave a comment

Day 28- amnesia

The weekend was so full that I got behind on writing.  Now, I honestly don’t remember what I did on Thursday.  I do remember it not being a very great day for the Goeke family.  A lot of hurt was incurred.  It’s probably a good thing I can’t recall all that happened on that day.  Even in my forgetfulness, I am reminded of all that I receive because of Easter morning.  Namely, God’s merciful amnesia:

 “For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.” Hebrews 8:12

Day 29- pow, pow

We surprised the kids by taking them to the Rodeo after school.  Paul and I had a chance earlier in the month without children.  Now, we wanted them to experience all the drama and excitement for themselves.  As the rodeo began, the stadium lights went out and fireworks were set ablaze.  Judah, stood in my lap, bug-eyed and jaw-dropped.  When all the smoke of the indoor explosions cleared, in a faint voice he said, “pow…pow…”  I said, “Yeah, Buddy, that was cool, huh…” To which he replied, “Mo…mo…”  Unfortunately, he had to wait 3 hours through all the rodeo events for more fireworks.  We took in the dust and the smell of livestock waiting for more big bang action.

To be “powed” by the Maker, by the display of His glory…this is the effect the cross and resurrection can have on us, if we are willing to bear our eyes wide to the expansive explosion of all time that occurred there.  All Old Testament prophesy collided in the man, Jesus, who proved His God-nature by rising from the dead three days later.  It all met at the cross, at the tomb, there with Mary as she looked up to the glowing face that knew her name.

Honestly, I never rest in that moment very often or for very long.  I rarely think about that morning, when she ran to tell all the others that their beloved Jesus was no longer dead.  I’m not taken in by the ‘pow’ daily.  I focus more on all the manure of the mundane life I live.  If only I could marvel more at the resurrection and take in some spiritual “pow.”

“Jesus said to her, ‘Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you seeking?’  Supposing him to be the gardener, she said to him, ‘Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have laid him, and I will take him away.’ Jesus said to her, ‘Mary.’  She turned and said to him in Aramaic, ‘Rabboni!’ (which means Teacher).”

 John 20:15-16

Day 30- showers

Today, I took a shower then went to a bridal shower in a rain shower.  The day seemed to be covered in showers.  Sheets of water fell behind window panes set as a backdrop for the future bride as she was showered in gifts, blessings, prayers, and words of wisdom.  I was reminded of The Red Tent by Anita Diamant.  Women of all generations festively helping to usher the next young bride into the tent of marriage.  Such joy, such hope, such beauty.

Adding these varying kinds of showers to Lent has been a helpful reminder, yet once again, of all that is showered upon me through Jesus: His joy, His hope, His beauty.

“The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor,
and the day of vengeance of our God;
to comfort all who mourn;
to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.”

Isaiah 61: 1-3

Day 31- worship

This morning I had a chance to be a part of the worship team at church.  What joy it is to worship.  I am thankful for the opportunity to humbly worship Jesus, whether from my seat, or the stage, or by the side of my baby’s crib.

“Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name; worship the Lord in the splendor of holiness.”

Psalm 29:2 

 

Lent: Day 25, 26, & 27…

March 19, 2015 — Leave a comment

Day 25: intentions

I had good intentions of getting a lot done today, including adding something to Lent.  It didn’t happen…any of it.

“For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” Romans 7:15 

Day 26: insanity

Today I unintentionally added insanity to Lent:

My little raccoon dumped a bag of chili cheese Fritos on the master bathroom floor mat.  It looked like the Pyramid of Giza piled atop white Egyptian sand.

He stole his sister’s deodorant and hacked it into little pieces all over the upstairs bathroom.  Moisture-blocking deodorant, when ground into a fluffy bath mat, is very hard to clean.

He locked himself in the bathroom while I was making an important business call.  We don’t have a key.

He threw multiple toys over the banister…after I had just taken them upstairs to the toy room.

He removed and hid all the printer ink cartridges…as I was trying to print copies of music for Sunday.

He ninja-swiped open dirty diapers as I tried to change him.  I am so done with poop.

All of this was before 10:00 am.

I didn’t have time to add something inspirational today…(hello, reality…thanks for showing up uninvited.)

“Be gracious to me, O God, for man (boy) tramples on me; all day long an attacker (a toddler) oppresses me”  

Psalm 56:1

Day 27: coffee creamer

So, obviously the last couple of days have been ridiculous, but let’s be honest.  This is life for most people: crazy.  When asked how things are going, we all say it:  “Busy.”  “Crazy”  “insane.”  This is the norm for most of us, especially if we’ve got lots of responsibilities, whether it be tasks at work, or children at home, or a combination of the two.

Again, I got nothing done today.  I seemed to rush and rush, strive and toil, with little to nothing to show for it.  When I left to go pick up the kids from school, the house was still a mess, laundry still needed to be done, and I still hadn’t finished preparing for the bible study I was supposed to lead tonight.  We drove straight from school to church to meet up with Daddy for dinner.  During the bible study, the older kids were going to hang out in his office while he worked and Judah was going to the nursery.

When everything was finished for the night, I texted to see if they had already headed home.  I was surprised to hear that yes, they were already home because Gideon had thrown up.  My first thought was “oh, no! Not more sickness!”  Then, I heard the rest of the story.

Apparently, Gideon has a routine when he hangs out in Daddy’s office.  He goes to the staff coffee station and sneaks the little individual cups of coffee creamer.  Tonight, it seems as thought our 5-year-old with the early signs of addictive behavior, couldn’t stop himself from indulging.  He consumed enough cream to make himself sick…well, that and the starburst flavored slushy he got with dinner.  (It makes my stomach curdle just thinking about it.)

When he ‘fessed up to the deviant looting of coffee condiments, he said it was such creamy goodness that he couldn’t stop himself.  This from the child who at age two snuck a stick of butter from the fridge, pulled a chair up to the TV, and ate the butter like a Snickers.  (We are really going to have to keep an eye on this one.)  He obviously doesn’t know his own limits, or what’s good for him.

In the world of sweet things and buttery goodness, it’s very possible to add too much of a good thing.  Not so with Lent, or with God.  My crazy has needed an abundance of grace and He has more than enough to not only meet my level of need, but to surpass it.  His  mercy will never run out, and of His goodness I will never grow weary.  It’s impossible to have too much of Him.  When I allow myself to actually taste His goodness, even in the midst of crazy, all I want is more.  I can’t stop myself from indulging.

When I find myself growing weary and sick of life, unable to think of something spiritual to write about (as I did the past three days), it’s not because I’ve somehow had enough Jesus, or that He’s gone AWAL.  The reality is that I’ve not been opening my senses to taste the little morsels of goodness that He has individually packaged for me throughout the day.  I haven’t tasted.  I haven’t thanked.

Unfortunately for Gideon, God used the little 5-year old’s intolerance for copious creamer consumption to get my attention.  I thank Jesus for His grace.  He has loved me through the past half-week, despite my weakness and inconsistency.  He has loved me, even when I’m not feeling it.  He has remained faithful.

Over Lent, I’ve been adding and adding, and the days that I thought I wasn’t adding at all, grace was being added unto me.  I just didn’t recognize it.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”  

2 Corinthians 12:9

 

Lent: Day 23 & 24…

March 16, 2015 — Leave a comment

Day 23: A good book

On the way back home from our Spring Break adventures, I picked up a book I’ve been slowly reading through.  A good book is hard to put down, but when you can’t even go to the bathroom without your two-year-old knocking on the door and demanding your attention, even good books take awhile to finish.

I am reading The Red Tent by Anita Diamante.  It’s a retelling of the story of Jacob found in Genesis.  It is told from the point of view of his daughter, Dinah.  It is beautifully written and contains such accurate historical and cultural detail, that I feel as though I am walking alongside Dinah on a dusty trail as she dishes her family dirt.  I hear her telling me of God’s faithfulness throughout her generation and mine.

I am thankful for these little escapes into another world, a little getaway from feeling like the toddler police are about to pound down the door.

“Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.”

Ephesians 3:20-21

Day 24: A pig

Our neighbors invited us to a pig roast this afternoon.  So on this 24th day of Lent, we added a pig.  It was yummy.  Sitting outside in lawn chairs, chomping down on some slow roasted pork in 65 degree weather…seriously, does life get any better than this?  I am reminded that Jesus wants me to have life abundant…I think that includes springtime skies and good food.

I am thankful for neighbors, for pigs, for beautiful spring weather, and moments like these.

“Faithfulness springs up from the ground, and righteousness looks down from the sky.”

Psalm 85:11 

Lent: Day 20, 21, and 22…

March 14, 2015 — Leave a comment

Day 20: Trampolines

Spring Break is officially half spent. All we’ve done is sleep in and have people over. It’s time to get out. The kids have been begging to go to JumpStreet, a trampoline park. So we added trampolines to Lent.

The older three headed to the main section of the park while Judah and I hit the “7 and under” area. I put him down in front of the trampoline, took my seat on the floor against the wall, and told him, “jump.” He looked at me with an impish smile, looked back at the trampoline, and ran into my lap. I stood him up, pointed to one of the dozen inflatable balls lying around and again said, “Go…jump.” He got up and ran to get a ball that was in the middle of the trampoline, but abruptly stopped at its edge, curling his tiny toes to keep from falling.

He surveyed the land for a bit, walked over to the space in between the brightly colored trampolines, and slowly lowered one foot on its rigid surface. Then, he slowly walked, one foot strategically placed in front of the other, down the one-foot-wide green non-bouncy strip.  Like a tightrope walker, he methodically ventured. He paused as he came parallel to the ball in the center of the trampoline, the wheels turning in his mind to plan his next move. Just then, another toddler jumped on the opposite end of the trampoline, and wouldn’t you know it, the ball rolled directly into Judah’s little body. He looked back at me with amazement as he reached his short arms around that gigantic ball and pivoted on his solid path to make his way back to me.

As he walked, the large ball impaired his field of vision, blinding the two feet directly in front of him. As he neared the end of the green runway, he miscalculated the end of the trampoline and took a sharp left turn towards me. He caught the corner of the trampoline, running four little steps on it’s bouncy taut skin. Immediately, his 2-year-old body gained momentum and speed, and he instinctively rose to the tippy tops of his toes. His eyes were too large suns peering over the horizon of that big red ball. Before he knew it, he was back on the solid floor face to face with me. He lowered the ball, looked at me and said, “whoa.”

What joy he was missing walking along the safe edges of life. Me too! I never thought I’d be publicly thanking JumpStreet, but, yes, thanks is in order. I am grateful for the reminder that sometimes joy is just on the other side of risk. I can trust God that if he tells me to “jump” and go fetch a ball that lies in the middle of an ominous unstable place, He isn’t throwing me into danger. I can trust that He’s pushing me to experience new things and the fullness of life. whoa.

“The Lord is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.”

Psalm 28:7

 

Day 21: windshield time

Today we headed to Austin. I love the space of green that exists along vast expanses of highway, in between the buildings and busyness of cities.

As we drove, the kids watched Finding Nemo and the adults had a chance to talk and catch up. I’ve been forced to ask some hard questions of myself lately, involving purpose and life goals. I have some decisions laid before me that require the investment of time and money, but first I need to know if that’s the path God wants me to walk down.  It was good to discuss my thoughts and feelings with someone who knows me like none other. It was enlightening to hear how he sees me and the purposes to which he thinks God has called me.

I’m thankful for a partner, for his insight, and his patience with his often confused and bewildered wife. We call these car ride conversations having ‘windshield time’. It was good to add this to Lent, to take the time to ponder and reflect on these questions. Processing my own goals while considering Jesus’ life and the purpose to which He was called, is humbling and recalibrating.  It’s also amusing to have the conversation with Dori in the background singing, “Just keep swimming…swimming, swimming, swimming…”

If God can speak through a donkey, he can use an animated fish, right?!

“Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.”

Proverbs 27:9 

“Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.”

Proverbs 19:20 

 

Day 22: familiar places and faces

Today we visited Buda Elementary. When we were discussing our trip to Austin, the girls pleaded to go to recess at their previous school so they could see old friends. It happens to also be the school where The Well gathers every Sunday for church. It was surreal to be back, comforting to be “home”, yet sad to know that we would not be staying. It was just a year ago, over Spring Break 2014, that we piled into the moving van and relocated…how timely to be back for a visit.

Today we added familiar places and faces to Lent. In doing so, we treasured the past and gained hope for the future. We made sure to hug every familiar person and take in all the memories of the place…painting the paw prints on the sidewalks, Easter-egg hunts in the courtyard, and doughnuts by the nurses office, to name just a few.  I remember the first day of Kindergarten for our oldest, so many years ago, and worrying about leaving her with people I didn’t know. Now, I call them friends and trust those people more than ever. Recalling this makes me view our current home and surroundings in a refreshed light. One day, I will look back at this first year and remember the fear of starting a new adventure, only to bask in the love and memories that God is already fostering.  I’m excited for the new stories that He is writing–for us, for The Well, for Buda Elementary, and for our new family in Katy.

“O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you; I will praise your name, for you have done wonderful things, plans formed of old, faithful and sure.”

Isaiah 25:1