There once was a girl named Angie Goeke…

I hope that you will all join me in January at the R&R Retreat! Between now and then, many wonderful ladies will be sharing their stories on the Story Page. I am so honored to kick off December sharing my story on the R&R Retreat Blog. Make sure to also check out the registration page! 😉

The R&R Retreat's avatarThe R&R Retreat

angie

My story is a pursuit of beauty.

Right now, there’s a flute playing it’s 24th rendition of Up on the House Top and it’s hollow sounds enter my right ear from the other room. “Ma-ma” is being shouted into my left ear, as I swat at little fingers that pull at the keyboard in my lap. At my feet, a very wiry-haired dog bites at her flees….I hear her teeth chatter and my skin crawls. The TV fills any possible void of noise and silence doesn’t exist in this moment.

“Mom!”…from the bathroom, this time. It’s another appeal to wipe yet another butt. I’ve been wiping butts (other than mine) for approximately 11 years straight now. I’m really tired of wiping butts.

“Do you have The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller?” comes from the bed where he sits on the phone. The good man is trying hard to find…

View original post 776 more words

He exchanges apple pie for our sausage…

I’ve been focusing a lot of attention and study lately to Isaiah 61:1-3 for the R&R Women’s Retreat in January.  (Which if you haven’t registered yet, get after it.)

It says,

61 The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;[a]
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;[b]
2 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor,
and the day of vengeance of our God;
to comfort all who mourn;
3 to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.[c]

This passage contains a “beautiful exchange”…in which Isaiah prophesies the replacement of all our mess with something beautiful, something peaceful, and something  purposeful.  As I’ve been meditating and studying on this part of scripture for a while now, I’ve run into a problem.  Evidence of this beautiful exchange is lacking…lacking in the church.

  “If you can’t show the difference between religion and the gospel, people will confuse morality with a changed heart.”-Timothy Keller

My husband advised me that there’s already been a lot of ink spilled over the whole religion vs. gospel argument.  Perhaps, but the very heady conversation has heart level implications of which I am becoming more aware.  When we “confuse morality with a changed heart”, the church cannot function in a way that honors Jesus and the beautiful exchange described in Isaiah 63.  Until one experiences the effects of a religion/gospel discrepancy, the emotional hurt and distrust that follows can’t be fully realized.  Often we don’t even realize our gospel has switched over to religion, it’s a slow slope that we ever-so-slightly slip down.

I believe a vast majority of churches have unknowingly muddied the distinction between religion and the gospel, so much so, that those within confuse authentic transformation in others for self-righteousness.  And conversely, even more confuse working really hard through behavior modification with their own spiritual growth and transformation.  The first example leaves those who are experiencing risky, yet honest, spiritual change discouraged, hurt, and deflated by the church.  The enemy uses this to hinder further spiritual maturity and he attempts to tear down that which Jesus has built up in the person.  The potential blessings this person offers to the church as a whole and to the community around them are derailed.  The latter results in the perceived spiritually mature trying to pour into others, while they are empty from their strivings and performance.  If our church leaders, staff, and volunteers are driven by this, they will burn out trying to maintain their own performance and that of the church.  When we are focused on the perfection of our practices, we are fueled by fleeting successes and extinguished by everyday failures.  Grace goes MIA.  Without grace, we’ve got nothing to give.

We are called as Jesus-followers to let Him live and work through us.  This is the Gospel: that He (who is pure and blameless) has taken my place–the place of death and destruction–and has set me in His place–the place of righteousness and sonship.   His Spirit now lives in me and guides me.  What an exchange!  This absolutely results in personal change, without any effort of my own!  This absolutely means things start to look different.  So where’s the “change” within the church?  How does the church “look different?”

By definition, the church is the bride of Christ, set apart as Holy and blameless, through the blood of Jesus.  Therefore, one can expect that the church and its people should act and look differently than those who have not embraced Christianity.  However, today the church, whether traditional or contemporary, looks more and more like big business, commercialism, and materialism, as well as, biting sarcasm, deception, and lawlessness.  We’ve exchanged-out undeserved grace and favor for the exhausting work of maintaining face and trends at any cost.  We stress making sure our practices look different and appealing, but miss how we as the children of God should look different, and therefore, what we have (Jesus) will naturally become appealing to others.

Religion as defined by Webster’s Dictionary is: “a personal set or institutionalized system of religious attitudes, beliefs, and practices; OR scrupulous conformity”.  We have become so tied and conformed to our institutions and what the Sunday morning routines and practices look like, (and how they might look to others), that we have forgotten the lack of “systems” that Jesus had.  We acknowledge the fundamental belief in the Gospel but rarely leave space and time to live it out…through each individual and their personal transformation.

A whole city believed because of the personal interaction between Jesus and a single woman.

We have become consumed with our overall performance and growth as a church instead of simply sharing our individual stories of redemption.  In an effort to put on the best show, we’ve spent less time letting the love of Jesus transform our hearts and minds, conforming us into His image, and more time trying to conform those around us into our image and preferences.  What we really need is a Gospel transformation of our own hearts.  If we are losing our voices of intellect to sarcasm, bitterness, crudeness, and apathy towards our sin,  what really needs to happen is a change in us.  Jesus cares about the way we treat each other, speak to each other, and represent Him.  Thankfully, He has a beautiful exchange for all of our misgivings and disgrace.  He offers something better, richer, and more satisfying.  I’ve seen it.  I’ve seen church communities thrive on grace alone.

When churches focus on statistics, numbers, and performance, we slowly morph the good news into an alternative works/righteousness slant.  (This is not a traditional vs. contemporary argument.  Both styles of worship fall victim to trying to impress their guests.  Both manner of churches have taken on a “if you build it, they will come” philosophy.)  When churches aim to look more like the world to “reach the lost”, we end up stifling genuine and true transformation in our congregations.  If we started to look more like Jesus, maybe we’d look less like the world…and then we wouldn’t be “edgy” or “attractive” anymore.  We’ve arrogantly got this beautiful exchange all twisted and backwards:  we’ve secularized the spiritual, rather than spiritualize the secular…as if any of it was in our control or power to begin with.  Our presence in the community shouldn’t cause churches to act more like the world, rather we can expect to see the world start to act more like the body of Christ because of the presence of Jesus in us.

Can we please give people who don’t believe in Jesus more credit?  They see through our efforts to be trendy and cool.  If they wanted to be entertained, they’d go to a show, or a movie, or go play putt-putt.  If they are walking through the doors of your church, they are hungry for something different–not hungry to see a church that looks different…but rather for something that could make them different.  They are craving something that could rid them of their broken hearts, their feelings of entrapment, their mourning, their shame, and their faint spirits.  That kind of exchange is the lasting living water that truly satisfies, while a favorable Sunday morning experience will only last 1 hour and 15 minutes.  When the people sitting in the pews have undergone this beautiful exchange, and share their personal stories of beauty from ashes, that’s what draws others to Jesus…that’s Gospel-centered ministry…and lasting church growth.  Church growth is in the hands of the people who fill the seats.  The function of leadership is to encourage and remind their people that they are empowered by the Holy Spirit to share God’s love through their stories.

Jesus is more than enough on His own.  He doesn’t need us to make Him “more seeker friendly”, “more palatable”, or “less intimidatingly righteous”.  Did Jesus hang out with prostitutes? Yes, but He didn’t start dressing like them.  When we focus all efforts into how we practice our religion in one building, and ignore how we are to live out the Gospel with each other outside our four walls, we inhibit spiritual growth.  We might be sweetly desiring our church to grow, but the spirituality of the people within will die when church growth and/or sustaining tradition becomes the end goal.  If the goal becomes developing the best model, we’ve bypassed the fact that the Gospel most assuredly is messy and unpredictable, and personal transformation isn’t on a timed schedule.  It’s can’t fit into a model.

In the beautiful exchange that Jesus offers, the s*** of life happens…and then Jesus happens.  He takes away the crap and replaces it.  Things will get messy, because acknowledging our sin is messy.  But getting it out there, so it can be wiped away, is necessary.  Romans 12:2 says, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”  We WILL naturally look different.  We WILL inherently be more joyful.  We WILL unknowingly start to care less about what the Sunday service looks like, and more about what Jesus looks like.  We WILL effortlessly start to discern that which pleases God from that which does not.  Those who follow Jesus will be known by the fruit that they bear, not how cool they are…because He will be daily extracting the nasty flesh out and injecting much, much better.  And when we see that in ourselves and in others, we can praise God that He is at work.

I’ve heard a lot recently of the church being compared to a sausage factory.  The analogy suggests that churches put out a product, and if you knew what went into it, you’d never take part in it.  Imagine the Oscar-Meyer sausage factory, beautifully exchanged for a tiny home filled with homemade family-recipe apple pies made alongside great-Grandma.  The goal is not a product, but a family.  It’s not very impressive, hip, tidy, or efficient.  The kitchen’s small with out-of-date beaters and hand towels, your borrowed apron is awkwardly too big, there’s flour all over the place, and you’ve likely invested hours for one delicate pastry.  But there’s nothing that compares to the sweet satisfaction and aroma of love that fills the air.

Let’s not get stuck–simply complaining behind the doors of a sausage factory.  Our stories don’t end there.  A beautiful exchange has been promised to us.   Let’s hold on to the hope that times of refreshing are coming.   Acts 3:19-20 says, “Repent therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out, that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord, and that he may send the Christ appointed for you, Jesus.”  Believe the LORD God when He says in Ezekiel 36:36, “Then the nations that are left all around you shall know that I am the Lord; I have rebuilt the ruined places and replanted that which was desolate. I am the Lord; I have spoken, and I will do it.”  He is in the business of bringing back to life that which we think is beyond repair.  He has perfected taking our mess and making it beautiful.  Will we allow Him?  Will we humble ourselves and repent?

Let’s give Him our hearts.  Let’s let Him draw out our sin, our death, and our destruction.  Let’s let Him cover all our shame and brokenness with His perfection and grace.  Let’s let Him take root in our hearts and exchange the bad for good.  Let’s daily resolve to let Him continually transform us and those around us.  Let’s get messy together and be comforted by all that Jesus has for us.  Let’s encourage each other, pray for one another, forgive one another…and taste sweet grace.

Pass the friggin’ peas!

I realized this weekend that something has happened to me.  I wish I could say it’s been a good change– a noble transformation.  But in terms of Life After Rehab, it probably would fall under the category of “relapse”.  The best way for me to sum up my condition: an ugly exchange.

In preparation for a women’s retreat in which I am speaking in a couple of months, I’ve been studying the simple reality that God takes the bad and replaces it with good.  Charles Spurgeon calls it the ‘beautiful exchange’.  There are numerous places in Scripture where God promises to take the ugly and replace it with beauty–to give us an amazing trade.  It’s the spiritual version of receiving filet mignon in exchange for a day old peanut butter and jelly sandwich at the lunch table.  We do nothing but benefit from the deal.

However, this is what I mean by my recent ugly exchange:

I’ve given back the fillet mignon and have snatched the pb and j after it’s been halfway down the throat of another.  It’s gross and ugly.

I went from a sensitivity to the Spirit’s stimulation to an overstimulation of insensitivity.

November is the month of ‘thanks’.  It’s customary to stuff our faces, overindulging in the good stuff at Thanksgiving dinner, and go around the table giving thanks for all we have.  What better time is there than now to refresh gratitude, to count bounty, to turn away from the ugly exchange and embrace once again the good Jesus has for me?

I’ve gone from scooping up dish after dish of all that God has placed before me, to starring at my empty plate listening to others ask for me to pass the sweet potatoes.  I look down and have forgotten to lift my eyes to the cornucopia feast laid with care for me– well, for all of us.  I have starred at the emptiness and have entrapped my eyes on all that is missing, insomuch that when I hear the requests of little ones for help in cutting their turkey or buttering their roll, I forget that the table is even set.  When I hear loved ones asking me to pass the green bean casserole, I grow frustrated and disillusioned.  I merely shout back, “We don’t have turkey, we don’t have butter…there is no green bean casserole!”  But, of course, in front of my place card,  the facts are sure and certain:  There is a bounty to be had.  Yet, all I can see is scarcity on a shiny white plate.

There is nothing for me.

There is nothing for them.

What went wrong?  Where has the beauty gone?  Why has the sensitivity to the Spirit abandoned me?

I have approached the table without gratitude, with eyes closed to what the Father has prepared for me.  My vision is near-sighted and all I see is what lay immediately under my nose.  When I have been sensitive to the Spirit, it is only because my first waking breath has started with authentic gratitude.

Ann Voskamp has picked up and reenergized what has existed since creation:  “And God saw that it was good.”  It’s a fact and an attitude of thanks that our society has forgotten.  We love to wallow in our hardships.  We love to loathe in our sufferings, because to do so (in theory) receives the attention and affections of others.  Why are we so hungry for pity and mercy to fill our plates when love and grace have been poured out to quench our appetites?

Have you ever known someone who is (or perhaps you find yourself) longing for encouragement, affirmation, and care, only to receive pity?  It doesn’t satisfy our hearts.  Most of the time when we pity others, they only persist all the more in telling us how horrible or difficult the situation because their need has not been met.  In our selfishness, this only convinces us to serve another round of pity and false compassion.  Almost assuredly when we are overstimulated by the sensitivity of others all we seem to produce for them is disingenuous pity.  It’s a horrible cycle.  In our competitive society we are rarely comfortable to sacrificially love and support one another.  We wrongly assume that genuine care jeopardizes our own successes.  We desire lack-luster meals of pity because there is an absence of daily and persistent offerings of authentic gratitude for one another.

What if we daily fed to one another encouragement, reminders of God’s love, words that promote peace and gentleness?  We’d probably sound like happy-go-lucky hippies…and maybe that’s my point.

We might sound uber-positive in a sarcastic and ribbing world, and that might be uncomfortable (for us and others).  It might even look a little self-righteous or inauthentic in the eyes of those who’d rather live at surface level competing for “best-looking”, “most-popular”, or “most likely to succeed”.  However, we wouldn’t be so aggravated by the weak, the needy, or the hungry.  We’d see the feast of provision before us.  We’d smell all the wonder of pumpkin pie and desire to share it even with those who mock us.  We wouldn’t be so cruel and self-centered and we’d pass the friggin’ peace!

Unknown

I have taken the beauty of the Holy Spirit and traded it in for the old selfish pouting of the past.  What was I thinking?

When I adhere to the Word of God:

1 Thessalonians 5:18:  “…give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

…than I realize I have more than enough to share.  I have more than enough time.  I have more than enough compassion.  I have more than enough love.  I have more than enough prayer.  I have more than enough grace.  Not because I am righteous, holy, or better than others, but because it has been graciously given.  I stop being insensitive and annoyed and am genuinely thankful that I have been adequately equipped for all the hungry mouths before me…and I even start sounding like I have peace that passes understanding and joy that never ends.

Please, be my guest at the table and have a generous helping.  The feast set before us tastes much better…

…and there’s more than enough to go around.

Registration Opening Soon!

So excited about this wonderful opportunity to relax and connect with women from all over the place! Registration starts tomorrow. Bring a friend! 🙂

The R&R Retreat's avatarThe R&R Retreat

Can you believe that it is already October?

Sure, Pumpkin Spice Lattes have been out for a while now, but Halloween is only a few weeks away, and we all know how quickly Thanksgiving and Christmas comes after that. Most of us won’t even have the Christmas decorations down before it is time for the 2015 R&R Retreat to begin!

I hope y’all are as excited as I am, but first things first…

In order to properly prepare for the R&R Retreat 2015, we ask that all participants register beforehand. Registration will open on Sunday, October 12th, 2014 and will end on December 31st, 2014.

IMAG0139

Registration costs are as follows:

  • Early Registration (until November 31st, 2014) – $120
  • Late Registration (December 1st – December 31st) – $150

Please check out the Registration page for more information on how to register.

If you are having difficulty registering or have any other…

View original post 11 more words

My Words and My Rhythm

Well, today it’s back to the grind.  We just wrapped up a week and a half of vacation…glorious, glorious vacation.

 photo

There were numerous moments during this furlough that renewed my spirit and challenged my heart.  This was more than a break on the beach with a margarita in hand…although I’m not denying that happened.  This trip will forever stand out in my mind as very transformative.  And, so, in true “life after rehab” fashion, I feel as though I need to intentionally ponder and reflect on the meaningful moments, so that I can treasure them in my heart and share them with you.

However, as I open up the computer today after the long hiatus, I struggle to find my words and my rhythm.  I sat on the beach last week and actually read a book from cover to cover.  It was amazing.  Not only was having the freedom, time, and ability to read a whole book without interruption amazing, but the content of the book I chose has also left me somewhat speechless.  Ann Voskamp’s one thousand gifts has been so enlightening and transforming.  If you haven’t read it, please do.  It is worth every minute of your time.  The combination of her poetic prose and down-to-earth writing is a humbling joy to read.  There is no way I could ever write in such a masterful way.  It is truly amazing.  In her book, she writes of her own revelations on thankfulness and recognizing God’s gifts in the every day.  It has made me realize how much I neglect the sacrament of thanksgiving and how often the Bible speaks of its’ importance.  I feel as though there is a whole undiscovered path to joy whose trail head I have been aimlessly walking past.  I am anxious to unearth more of “eucharisteo”, as I have been inspired by Voskamp’s own hunt.

The “sleuthing” that she refers to–this treasure hunt for the things to be thankful for–urged me to seek God and His blessings during our vacation.  I found myself swooning over tiny sand-dwelling creatures and huge panoramic views of slate blue sky meeting shimmering crystal waves.  I stumbled upon restfulness, with my eyes closed and ears focused on the hush of the waves, the rhythm of their meter, rocking my soul to peacefulness.  I can’t really explain it, but as I sat still and took in some of the amazing sights and sounds around me, I felt as though I was being wooed my the Creator, reminded of His serenading love.  

images images

Voskamp is on to something here…and it’s more than “positive thinking.”  In counting my blessings, I am forced to not merely count, but to consider them, and the Giver who gives them to me.  I am forced to be still and know that He is God.  I see how big He is and how infinitely small I am.  That doesn’t really fit the criteria of American dream setting and the “do what makes you happy” kind of joy in which we are encouraged to partake. Being small–knowing my mortality–these are not “positive” thoughts.  All things will come to an end…including me.  Reminding myself that I don’t have control over anything in my life sounds like depressing pessimistic water-cooler talk.   But in actually seeing the God I believe in, feeling His endless pursuit of me in the form of beauty, and knowing that He is bigger and grander than me, I am fueled by a humble peace, a sure contentment, and a deeper, more satisfying joy than simply seeing the glass half-full.

photo 

This kind of detective work requires sitting at the private investigator desk searching through files of evidence.  It takes time and intentionality, which eerily sounds like the slow process of Family Rehab.  My journey to restore family and home isn’t done.  Jesus is restoring my heart–my joy.  Life After Rehab looks less like returning to normalcy with all the appropriate sobriety tools gained from being secluded in a rehab facility and more like continued study and rehabilitation with the distractions of everyday life now being added into the mix.  I still have so much to learn.  And as Voskamp also mentions, learning takes practice, practice, practice.

In addition to reading books, Paul and I had the opportunity to watch a documentary entitled,  Holy Ghost.  (You can watch the trailer here: http://www.holyghost.wpfilm.com).  The whole movie was guided by the Holy Spirit.  “What the what!?!?!,” you say?  No plans were made, except ones that were the result of ‘inner voice’ urgings or visions.  As a “conservative” Lutheran, some of the conversations recorded in the street scenes, in which the Holy Spirit was called upon to send a physical sensation through a person’s body, were a little wild.  But, honestly, it was no more untamed than what we read about in the book of Acts.  The movie features such celebrities as Lennie Kravitz, Brian Welch, and Fieldy from Korn.  As I watched people step out in faith, taking risks, and even entering into places that are dangerous for Christians, I again was struck by how intentionality and stillness were key in seeing all that God had in store for them.  How can one discern the voice of the Holy Spirit if they are not still enough to focus their hearts and minds to intentionally hear Him?

I think about all the practicing I do.  I consider all the rehearsing that goes on in my mind.  I add up all the time spent mulling over the lies of the world that tell me I’m not enough or of any value without the perfect body, successful children, or tons of money.  I compute all the energy and time I’ve spent repeating the same failures or hurtful behaviors.  What am I learning?  What am I teaching myself?  How much of the life-giving lawn of truth am I repeatedly treading worn down paths of lies over its’ surface?  What opportunities have I lost in the meantime?  What holy risks have I avoided or squashed because I was busy in the practice of listening to another’s voice?  What routines, patterns, and new trails have disabled my senses from hearing God’s audible voice?  What amount of blind ignorance has limited my vision for His kingdom, His glory, and my ultimate joy?

Jesus says in John 14:26, “But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you.”

“Life After Rehab” might as well be called “practice”.  I haven’t yet learned.  I need training.  I need the Holy Spirit to teach me.  Sometimes it will be hard.  Sometimes it will bear fruit that I could never have imagined.  My prayer is that I am teachable, moldable, and pliable.  My prayer is that my senses are so overwhelmed with the Spirit that I can’t help but walk in unabashed gratitude and risk.  Life is about to get busy and hectic with school and work.  I pray that I find the words of the Spirit in the midst of the mayhem (that they fill me with truth and with holy pomptings) and the rythym of His grace, blessing, and spontaneity in the mundane (that it moves me into new depths of sobering joy).