“And how do you spell… creepy?”

February 22, 2014 — 1 Comment

I really have some catching up to do. The whole reason I began this Family Rehab blog was to hold myself accountable to actually following through with “family rehab!” I knew that I needed to have a public audience that was expecting to hear what we were doing and how it was going. I have come to grips with my personality enough to know that without peer pressure we’d spend all our time in pajamas eating Cheetos. (Well, at least that’s what I fear when not trusting Jesus with the plan.) However, I’ve kind of been slacking in recording our special moments and little triumphs. I have been pretty consumed with my own drama, as I previously mentioned in the past couple of posts. Also, with the Olympics in full swing, we’ve been so busy following our favorite athletes, forcing math and science lessons in during the commercials, learning how to spell crazy Russian words and names, and watching Gideon tug at the skin under his eyes as he practices his newest ‘creepy’ face. And so, in all that kind of excitement and our big move to Katy, I forgot to share a wonderful experience that we had in late January, that would never have been possible if it weren’t for Family Rehab.

Paul was asked to speak at the Texas Lutheran Early Educator’s Conference the last week of January. Due to the amazing generosity of others, we were able to join him and spend some time together learning from the conference, relaxing in Horseshoe Bay, and celebrating Judah’s first birthday. As details of the conference came in, we were so excited to find out that one of our favorite authors, Sally Lloyd-Jones, was also going to be speaking. Helen had just finished reading The Jesus Storybook Bible as her selected chapter book and loved it. (Check it out here: the-jesus-storybook-bible)

We discussed how exciting it would be to meet her and ask a real author some questions. I decided to find her on Facebook and sent a message explaining why in the world I was bringing my kids to a conference and if we could meet her. She was so kind to reply and accept our invitation. The girls couldn’t believe they were going to meet someone famous.

About a week before leaving for the conference, I asked the kids if they had thought of any questions to ask Ms. Lloyd-Jones. Helen said, “I’ll be too nervous to say anything. I will just look at her.” I thought, “Oh, great…she will think we’re simple.” Then Ava said, “Maybe I could practice my British accent on her.” (In a British accent, none the less.) After a pause of disbelief, I said, “Well, Ava, sometimes it isn’t very flattering to have someone try to talk with an accent like yours. I don’t know if that would be appropriate to do for her.” And I thought, “Oh, great…she will think we’re rude.” Then Gideon piped up, “Should I make a creepy face at her?”

Well, we headed to Horseshoe Bay with no questions in our pocket. We at least had our copy of her book to get autographed. We started our time there by exploring the grounds of the awesome resort and spending some good quality time together.

We celebrated Judah’s first birthday by decorating our hotel room with streamers and balloons, and singing Happy Birthday to him at one of the hotel restaurants. We joked how the fourth child is always spoiled and next year we will have to top the resort and fancy-restaurant chocolate cake for birthday #2.

Finally, on the last day of the our trip, it was time to hear Sally Lloyd-Jones speak and then get a chance to meet her. The three oldest kids squeezed up to a front table to sit with Daddy and have a prime seat. She spoke with such eloquence that pointed to the evidence of the Spirit in her. She challenged my heart as a parent and my new role as a teacher. It was wonderful. She shared more of her work, which the kids were so delighted to see and hear. After she finished, the kids rushed out to buy her newest book, Things to Make Your Heart Sing, and then stood in the long line to meet her. I could tell they were nervous and excited. As we waited in line, I yet again asked if they had any questions for her. Helen said, “She answered all of my questions in her talk.” I thought, “Lucky you, smartie…” Ava said, “Nope.” I inwardly heard the Marge Simpson sigh. I looked down at Gideon practicing his creepy face.

When we reached our turn in line, Helen placed her book on the table and sheepishly said, “hi.” Ms. Lloyd-Jones said, “Oh, is this the family I’ve been waiting to meet? You all were so sweet sitting there right in the front row. Shall I sign your book for you?” They all just nodded in disbelief. I interjected, “Thanks for meeting with us, they really are so excited.” She opened the book and said, “Okay, tell me your names and how to spell them. I’m not a very good speller.” (Hey! Neither are we!) Down the line they went as they watched her pen write their names…

“Ava.”

“And how do you spell that?”

” A-V-A.”

“Helen. H-E-L-E-N”…

All eyes on Gideon: “HA! I don’t know how to spell my name!” We and the line of early education teachers behind us all broke into laughter. And I thought, “well that was a lot cuter than creepy face!”

After she finished getting all four names plus her own in the book, we left the line and the girls giggled to each other that they couldn’t believe that they had an “actual autographed book” and immediately started listing which friends they were going to show it to. Gideon was just happy to be there and Judah only had his mind on lunch and a nap. I thought about the words of wisdom that Sally Lloyd-Jones shared in her session about speaking to the hearts of children in a respectable and honorable way. We shouldn’t just communicate with them in a way that seems to say, “I don’t have to try hard, these are just kids,” but rather, that we should try harder–with more intent. If that doesn’t apply to Family Rehab, I don’t know what does! She said good books are not sermons to answer questions, but are stories of truth that invite inquisitive minds to ask more questions and wonder. I wanted so desperately for my children to have intellectual and deep questions for her. I wanted them to dig deeper and want more than second-hand fame handed down in an autographed book. But had I really inspired them to those kinds of questions? Had I directed them to the Truth of Jesus, as seen through the life of Sally Lloyd-Jones, or just pointed them to a nice author and her accomplishments? Had I listened to the questions that they did have with respect and honor? Seriously, I could have honored and respected even creepy face. His desire was to be funny and his heart was to bring a smile to her face. I could have encouraged the heart behind the creepy face and let Gideon know how making others happy is evidence that Jesus lives in his heart and is working through Him.

She also shared her personal story of writing in a dictionary margin as a young child that God had told her she would build a church in Africa. She had completely forgotten about it until she came across it much later in life. She shared how recently she was asked if The Jesus Storybook Bible could be used to teach the Christ-centered nature of the Old Testament to a country in Africa. Little did she know she would be building a church not with bricks, but with books. What I took away from her story was that God is speaking to our children. We should be listening! What things has He told my little ones? Are they whispers into His plan? Do they speak wisdom into my parenting and how to encourage my children down the path He has set before them?

All of this to say, it was a wonderfully challenging experience that we couldn’t have done if it weren’t for the space created in Family Rehab and for the generosity of others. We were so blessed to have the time and the space and the gentle reminder of how to love our children in the light of His love.

Early Abstinence and Dragons

November 19, 2013 — 1 Comment

Early Abstinence: can be the toughest stage to cope with because of many factors, including continued withdrawal symptoms, physical cravings, psychological dependence and a host of triggers that can tempt you into a relapse.

I think we have finally made it through stage 2 of our Family Rehab: “Early Abstinence.” We have struggled with the occasional “fall off the wagon” ending up in the high-pace race to worldly success. Whether educational success, “spiritual” success, or behavioral success, anytime we ended up frantically reaching for goals that were deceptively laced in fear, we knew we had slipped into old habits and addictions. Now, here we are, I believe, exiting “Early Abstinence” and getting ready for what lies ahead.

Over the past 2 1/2 months, I have found myself on the floor in withdrawal feeling overwhelmed by the dooming presence of my failure to succeed and craving my old schedule with kids in school and daily quiet time. I have found myself physically wanting to keep our day busy with meaningless activities to merely pass the time, rather than engage with the hearts of my children. I have heard the voices in my head telling me that if I don’t have something to show by Christmas or by the end of the year for all our (my) hard work, then this was all for naught. I have lost my temper. I have declared school holidays for the sole purpose of feeding my laziness. I have forced school with a short fuse for the sole purpose of breaking God’s commandment to rest. There have been days I have gotten it all wrong–days when my priorities were all out of whack, my heart inward focused, and my strength was being sucked up from an empty well of self-ambition. Stage 2 of Family Rehab has been really, really, hard.

We live in a world–in an American society, rather–that so heavily speaks against all that Jesus desires us to hear. We “hear” that Jesus wants us to have abundant life and as Americans we try harder for a life we think we deserve. We “hear” Jesus say observe the Sabbath, and we rush the kids to bed so we can flip on the TV for a dramatic escape to rest. We “hear” Jesus say children are a blessing, and we find a way to manage them rather than love them. All these words from Jesus get drowned out by the words of the world. There are temptations to “relapse” everywhere. Especially, when as Americans we have most likely grown up in a fast-paced success-driven world, retraining the heart and the mind to break free from that mold is an overwhelming task. It is so much easier to just conform to the rest of the world around us. It’s so much easier to worry about money, success, schedule, education– ALL of it, instead of trusting Jesus with it. I often think, if I could just see Jesus sitting at our dinner table, if I could just audibly hear Jesus saying, “I’ve got this!”, then I think it would be so much easier to trust Him. But that’s not faith…

As Stage 2 of Family Rehab is rounding out, I am certain that the same struggles to trust His voice will be there tomorrow. Once an addict, always an addict, right? Maybe the worldly voices, the temptations, and the desire to take the easy “faithless” way out will always be there. But I don’t believe I am destined to live a life addicted to the ways of the world. Jesus lives in me. The old addict, who was always “jones-ing” to “keep up with the Jones” has been buried with Christ, and a new person has been raised with Him. Jesus tells me that I am a new creation.

Romans 12:2 says, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” I could think of no better way to sum up “Early Abstinence.” Family Rehab isn’t about stopping an addiction to drugs or alcohol. Our Family Rehab is about pulling away from the ways of the world for a year to renew our minds. It has been a process, through an abstinence of worldy things, of understanding and identifying where and how we even do conform to the ways of this world. We have been too engrained and trained by this world that we don’t even know or realize how much we have conformed to it.

Today the girls were working with clay. They were very determined to handcraft some dragon pets. Unlike them, I don’t know much about dragons. Apparently, there are books about different kinds of dragons. Helen’s dragon, for instance had huge ears, which made it a “listening dragon.” It was all very cute. They spent nearly 5 hours, from lunch to dinner, at the table crafting their dragons with such purpose and patience. When the clay wasn’t too dry, or too wet, it did a descent job of keeping it’s shape. When the clay was too dry, it was brittle and would easily break. It couldn’t be worked with at all. But when the clay was too wet, leaving the dragons untouched for an extended amount of time resulted in droopy dragons. The clay started to melt into the surface of the table–flat and shapeless. The dragons needed to be reshaped, remolded into the thing their creators wanted them to be. In order for those dragons to remain dragons and eventually dry into bone-hard dragons, they had to go under continual tweaking and pushing and pinching.

God in His mercy and love also created us out of clay. Why? Because to Him we are as fascinating and enjoyable as dragons are to my daughters. Dragons are not of this world. They are fanciful and fantastic. They breath fire. They are big beasts that fly and glide through the air. They bring joy to little girls and little boys alike. They are just plain cool. Today, those dragons were created to not just provide fun for my girls, they were a display of Ava and Helen’s artistic creativity and talent. Similarly, God designed us to model His glory. We were created out of love with the purpose to glorify Him. But sometimes the clay is too hard. Sometimes we don’t see a need to be anything but clay. We have hardened hearts that refuse to let anyone, let alone God, shape and mold us into something other than what we think we should be.

And then there are those of us who are wet clay. We want to be molded. We want to be shaped, so much so, that we dive into so much that we are wet with how-to books, 12-steps to happier lives, and all the influential stuff of the world. We can’t seem to separate the molding hands of the Father from the shaping hands of the world. We can’t decipher the Truth from the facts of life and worldly success. We are so interested in becoming what we “think” we are supposed to be, that we are not patient with the Father and His timing. A potter adds water to soften clay and make it pliable, but that is the Potter’s job. Outside of His timing, we have drenched ourselves in our own plans and our own desires that we can’t keep shape on our own. We start to melt and conform to the flat and shapeless goals and ideals of the world around us. He desires us to be dragons! He wants us to be fantastic and fanciful! He has a vision for us that includes breathing FIRE!

Thank goodness He keeps coming back to our droopy dragon tails. When the temptations of the world encourage us to “relapse” into our previous clay bondage, He comes to us in a very intimate and loving way to push and pinch. Sometimes, it’s not comfortable. But He sees in His mind’s eye the finished product. He sees soaring wings taking powerful and dramatic flight. He keeps tweaking and touching until we are able to stand firm in His truth, in our identity as His creation, and in our purpose to glorify Him.

We have been wet, slouching dragons during “Early Abstinence.” We were eager and excited to learn and be transformed. We took on a lot of change under our own power and vision. As we sit and dry out, getting pinched and pushed, we are learning that the Potter is to be trusted. He has a vision to mold us beyond our eager set-aside Family Rehabilitation. I am learning that to set aside the voices of this world and listen to His voice is key. During this time of rehab, abstaining from what the world tells us is important, good, and meaningful allows us to be able to even recognize and hear the Truth coming from Jesus. Putting aside my ambition to let Jesus do with me whatever He wills is what sobriety looks like. We are in process. We are learning. We are seeing more and more everyday that our role in all this is to just sit on the shelf with trust and humility. I am learning to see ourselves next to our children on the shelf instead of trying to shape and mold them myself. Jesus knows whether they are to be “listening dragons” or something else. I can only show them through my obedience what it looks like to sit on the shelf and be okay there.

We will be tempted and tested. But through that testing, I pray that we “discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” I pray that over time, we struggle less and less to hear the voice of Jesus amidst the voices of this world. I pray that over time, with much pinching and pushing, I give up my wet clay and look more and more like a strong, powerful, fanciful and free-flying dragon. I pray that I surrender all trust to Jesus letting Him define my future and direct my steps.

Bees and ants.

September 9, 2013 — 1 Comment

Bees.

Bees and ants.

It seems as though they are invading our house, both inside and out. The ants have made their way through into the downstairs bathroom and somehow up the wall to Helen’s room and into her bed. The poor girl woke up with 3 bites in between the same two fingers.

And the bees, well, they invaded our cups of lemonade during recess today. There were at least 3-4 caught in each child’s portion of lemonade. Thank goodness no one tried to take a gulp and swallowed the little suckers.

Bees and ants.

I think the road work and new houses going in adjacent to our house could be the culprit. Perhaps those little guys are losing their homes because we are building more for the invading humans. Maybe we are the bad guys!

But the attack of their little bodies on our huge established house has become more than an annoyance. They hurt Helen in her sleep and they were a source of danger today as we played.

And it got me thinking…

There are ants and bees attacking our thoughts and our hearts everyday. They are usually seemingly small and insignificant thoughts or feelings that invade our peace of mind and rob us of joy. They start out as just one or two feelings of doubt or a lack of self-worth and can grow to be an invasion of an all-consuming FUNK. Anyone who breaths air knows what I’m referring to. It happens to all of us regardless of how successful, how happy, how “established.” Have you seen an ant carry a lifesaver on his lone back? That little stinker is pretty powerful. And the ants that pick up our joy and peace with intentions of carrying them far off can do more harm than we realize.

Today I saw the insects not only get our drinks, but also the best of our hearts. One daughter, (who shall remain nameless to protect her identity), was attacked my an ant of discouragement. It seems that a certain math concept had gotten the best of her. Then she was stung by a bee of disappointment in one of her poem assignments. The sting caused her whole “body” to swell up and be infected. This mental “bite” was taking ahold of her entire heart, mind, and soul. She was talking and trying to explain through tears and ill temperament, but the words were not making sense. It was if her tongue was swollen and her throat was cutting off her airway.

The same happens to me when I allow those little ants or bees attack my identity, value, and worth. It can be a small reminder of sin or hurt. It can be a lack of sleep. Hunger… that’s more like the size of a beaver. (I know, not very intimidating, but that’s the only animal I could think of!)

Much like we need an exterminator to come and rid us of our infestation in our house, we also need help for our hearts. Raid-X works by killing bugs DEAD, right? We need something that kills our mental and emotional bugs DEAD. We need to be fumigated by a lethal dose of another kind. Each and everyday, we should seek for the Holy Spirit to fill our spiritual houses, letting him seep into every crack and crevice of our hearts, where those awful bees and ants work to take root. Through the Holy Spirit and his healing work, we can be reminded of forgiveness and restoration, when that bee of sin and hurt takes flight. The Holy Spirit reveals the promise of our salvation to renew our joy, when the ant of sadness or gloom starts crawling in our bed. The Holy Spirit pours grace and mercy on us, adorning us with a crown of adoption as God’s children and coheirs with Christ, when the beavers come to chop down our trees of value, worth and identity.

Asking the Spirit to fumigate and take control of those little critters is a daily need and has to be part of the routine. They are sneaky and conniving, devious and sly. Just when we think we can relax and sit down for a nice glass of lemonade, they are out to get us.

Thank goodness that the power of the Holy Spirit, the wonderful gift that he is, is the same power that conquered death. Thank goodness that we have a Savior who has won the victory over the Deceiver and claims us as His own. How much more can Jesus and his Spirit that lives in us kill a few ants!

Our memory verse for this week is Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.

Sometimes, I think my ant and bee invasion starts with trusting my own thoughts and feelings above and beyond what the Lord says about me or my situation. Relying on my own interpretation of events, circumstances, or conversations can be a breeding ground for those biting and stinging creatures. In all of my ways, from how I feel about my newly dyed hair to how I feel about my decision to “family rehab”, if I acknowledge him and what his word tells me about all of it, I am much better off. And he gives me a straight path, (one might even say- a bee line-), to safer ground away from those nagging bugs.

3 Days and Counting

August 25, 2013 — 2 Comments

Okay, yesterday was officially the last day of summer… Just the weekend and then we start school. I have gone over our plans for the first week over and over again, just to make sure I have everything in line. In my perusing of the beloved Pinterest for homeschool class rules, I came across a very lovely study on The Golden Rule. http://growingupgodskids.blogspot.com/2013/06/the-golden-rule.html

I decided to steal the main idea from this sweet blog and make it my own for our year of family rehab. I thought I’d share, because I found some elements of this list of “rules” very refreshing and Gospel based.

Here it is in a nutshell:

Essentially The Golden Rule- Do unto others as you would have them do to you…- starts in the heart and is all about kindness. Kindness can look like a lot of different things, and I plan to discuss in detail with the kids about some of the many ways we can be kind to one another. An important distinction is that this means we are kind even when others are not kind to us. Jesus talks about turning the other cheek and loving our enemies. So some of these acts of kindness that we will focus on, come with a clause.

Here is our list: (I plan on having the kids be creative and think of more to add)

Giving a soft answer to a sharp comment
Praying for someone who offends you.
Smiling and choosing a good attitude when things don’t go your way.
Listening to someone else.
Giving up a turn.
Cleaning a mess (when it’s not yours to clean)
Saying a kind word of encouragement
Letting someone help you
Waiting for someone patiently

Also, important to defining what The Golden Rule is, we will discuss what it is NOT.

It is NOT being envious of others. (James 3:14-16)
It is NOT being boastful. (Romans 1:30)
It is NOT being selfish. (2 Peter 2:10)
It is NOT thinking evil of others. (Philippians 4:8)

(Again, I plan on getting the kids to think of what being kind in NOT, and add to the list.)

We will discuss how Jesus asks these things of us not because He wants us to modify our behavior and just to “perform” like good little children and parents. He tells us these things so that when we do see kindness overflowing from our heart we know that it is Him living in us. When we see things that are from the “NOT” list, we know that it is our flesh getting in the way of Jesus living through us. And when that happens, there is freedom and forgiveness. Our WHOLE family lives with The Golden Rule as a guide and reminder that Jesus lives in us. These homeschool rules are not just for the kids to follow, but for everyone.

Much like an athlete would train to run faster and prevent injury, we too need to train our flesh to respond to situations and people kinder than we often are feeling in our heart. When someone wrongs us, or things don’t go our way, it’s okay to feel frustrated and disappointed. But we are called to a higher standard than just letting ourselves “blow our lid” or respond in passive aggressiveness.

SO, here is our training plan for the year. (Again, from the previous mentioned blog.)

First and foremost, we will pray nightly for the areas of kindness in which we struggle. The kids will cut out and decorate a heart that will hang by their beds. In the heart they will paste little reminders of what kindness looks like. For example, “soft answer”. Each night during our bedtime routine and prayers, we will include praying for those things that we have been struggling with.

Here’s my bedside heart:

Secondly, during the week we will also have a prayer journal time and encourage the girls to do a little “bible scavenger hunt” for pieces of scripture that speak to their particular struggles. If our actions are an overflow of the heart, then we need to be filling it up with good things. We want to empower our children to search the scriptures for themselves, introducing them to the concordance etc, so they know what to even do with a Bible when they are alone. Much like learning how to use a dictionary, they need to learn how to use their Bibles without Mom or Dad or the Sunday School teacher.

Thirdly, I have 3 clear cups labeled with the three oldest kids’ names. (The baby would just stick it in his mouth.) When someone is recognized as showing kindness to another, as listed above and on our Golden Rule Chart, they get a little sparkly glitter pom pom in their cup. When the cup is full, that child gets a reward. I am thinking a trip to the store with $5 or something- spend it how you like.

I am really excited to have found this idea, and really excited to have a tangible way to be intentionally teaching our children about caring for others, not because that’s what makes good little children, but because the powerful Jesus who transforms hearts is living in them! 🙂 I hope to wrangle in my flesh and look a little more like Jesus in the process, too.

ANGIE GOEKE

jesus in us

“And how do you spell… creepy?”

Early Abstinence and Dragons

Bees and ants.

3 Days and Counting

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