The Great Motivators: M&Ms and the Holy Spirit

August 30, 2013 — 1 Comment

Yesterday was a rough day. On two different occasions both girls were in tears. They were tired, overwhelmed and the work in front of them seemed insurmountable. This was the part of our family rehab that I was dreading. And I was tired, overwhelmed, and the dramatic emotions of the two girls in front of me also seemed insurmountable.

In the moment, I looked up and saw our memory verse for the week:

I needed to be watchful. I needed to step back and take a look at the bigger picture of what was at work here. I think the enemy was at work to discourage our hearts and to give us those feelings of hopelessness. We were under attack. But we did not need to respond in fear. We needed to look at the verse some more.

In response, as the verse points out, we needed to “stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.” I reminded myself and the girls that we are not alone in this. First, of all we have each other and we were all experiencing the same emotions. None of us were alone in this. Then I took responsibility for the fact that I gave Ava way too much math work for one day, and I trimmed back her assignment.

Then, I reminded them (and myself) secondly, but more importantly, that Jesus is with us too. He cares for us and our hearts, and because He lives in us, we can do more than we think we can. His Holy Spirit does great things in us. If the same Spirit that raised Him from the dead also lives in us, then we are unstoppable! Even when it comes to 4th grade math worksheets, and having to write sentences to accompany a 2nd grade storyboard.

Next we needed to buck up a little. As three females, it really did help to think about acting like men. We needed to stop crying and simply pick up the worksheet, pick up the paper and plug through. I’d like to write that this happened immediately, but really we aren’t men and we needed some motivation that only a female could really relate too…

Chocolate.

So, we wiped away the tears and I grabbed the M&Ms. Next to each math problem and each picture on Helen’s story board I placed an M&M. When the problem or the sentence was written, they could pick up the M&M and eat it. Let me tell you, that work was all of a sudden complete and they were asking for more assignments. 🙂

I could have easily gotten mad and frustrated, yelled a little even, and the girls would have still completed the work. But it’s the Holy Spirit that prevents me from acting on instincts and in the flesh and empowers me to “let all that I do be done in love.” And love = chocolate sometimes. 🙂

Overpasses, loose teeth, anteaters, and logistics…

August 30, 2013 — 1 Comment

Okay, now that we’ve switched back to regular coffee, it looks like we might actually make it to the end of week one! I am so thankful for all the resources I found this summer to prepare for the journey ahead. I don’t know how I would do any of this if it weren’t for organized people who blog and post to help people like me! The blog, confessionsofahomeschooler, has been a life saver! If you homeschool, or are thinking about it, or are just curious, you should check out her blog. It’s absolutely amazing.

She has provided me with ideas of how to keep 3 kids and a baby busy and working and motivated, all while teaching them about Jesus, making sure dinner will be served, and the laundry will be washed. I think it really takes intentionality and resolve to keep to a schedule. The more structured I am, the more free I feel to engage in my children and the more time I have to listen to their hearts. If I know that dinner is taken care of, I’m not functioning at a hurried and worried pace. If I know there is a system in place for laundry, I know there is time set aside for it and I don’t have to sit in my own judgement all day until it gets done. I’m free to not worry about my own performance and I can listen to my kids and notice how they are feeling.

So before you read on, this post is all about the logistics of our day. How we are organized, structured, and scheduled. Some people out there totally groove to this stuff. Me, not so much, although I do appreciate it! So if the mere reading of the word “logistics” makes you feel like I feel when I hear, “overpasses”, “loose teeth” and “anteaters”, ABORT!! Stop reading now!

If you are brave enough…read on:

Here’s how a typical day this week has gone:

7:00 wake up- The kids are responsible for getting dressed, brushing teeth, and hair. Then they should make their beds and pick up their rooms a little. This makes cleaning up for me a little easier and less stressful! Having the bed made, or at least seeing that there has been an attempt at making the bed, makes me have a better attitude about all my chores. After their room chores, they are responsible for one of the following “A Helpful Family” chores:

take the laundry basket to the laundry room
wipe down the bathroom counter
set the table for breakfast

I’ve got magnets with each of the kids’ names on it so they don’t have to ask me what they are to do each morning.

7:30 breakfast- confessionsofahomeschooler even has monthly menus to follow or inspire with recipes attached. It’s been so helpful having breakfasts, snacks, lunches, and dinners planned out. That means no time wasted searching for what we have. Just like the school cafeteria, you only have one or two options and “you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.”

While the kids get started eating, I load the washing machine with the laundry that was carried down by one of the kids. If I do this every morning, I should only have one load of laundry to do a day…unless something messy and tragic happens. 🙂 I also at this point start something in the crockpot for dinner. I have found tons of great crockpot recipes that can be prepared over the weekend and stored in the freezer in freezer bags. That way in the morning all I do is literally dump the contents of the bag into the crockpot and turn it on. I try to stay on top of the dishes too at this point. When the kids run upstairs to start school, I quickly rinse off the dishes and have them ready to go in the dishwasher later. (sometimes, I can load them, but realistically it usually hasn’t been unloaded yet.) All this usually amounts to me taking my breakfast and cup of coffee upstairs to be gradually eaten when I get a chance. I could wake up earlier to resolve this problem, but let’s face it, I’d rather sleep.

8:00 (or close to it) We start school! First we do our bible study.

8:45-ish Calendar Time

The kids have their Calendar time workbooks they work through independently. Again, this is all from confessionsofahomeschooler

9:00-ish Work-folders

This concept is amazing! I mentioned in an earlier post that it is supposed to be work boxes, but we just don’t have the space for all of that. So here was my solution. First, from an organizational stand point it starts with my unit filing system. I have a file box next to my desk. Each hanging file folder is labeled with the date of each week of school. (Through December, because I wanted to see how it worked first and give myself the freedom to try something completely new after the winter break). In each hanging folder is a file folder for each subject, each grade. I started by labeling units. For example poetry is a unit covered by both girls. As I gathered info about each TEK or unit to be covered, I simply wrote the info on an index card and dropped it in the file folder. After that step, I saw how concepts for each of the girls could be paired and studied at the same time. Then I put all the related index cards into a file folder and designated a week for us to cover it. Sometimes, if the unit looked like it would take longer than a week to cover, I just skipped that subject in the next hanging folder, knowing the previous week would carry over. I did all this until every week until Christmas break was planned. Over the summer I researched different lesson plans for the units and put those ideas in the folders as well.

Before the beginning of each week, I simply pull out the dated hanging folder and look through each folder with its index cards. The index card tells me what materials I need to have on hand, what materials I need to print out etc. I like it because it gives me a snapshot of the week and then I have the freedom to be creative at this point and shift focus depending on where the girls are struggling. I fill the subject folders with printouts and needed materials so that everything I need for that week is in the hanging folder. If, for example, I find a video online about science safety, I write on an index card where and how to find it and stick it in the science folder.

I also have a Lesson Plan Book I bought for a $1 in the Target bargain bin. This helps me to divide the stuff in each folder into days of the week and I just write it in the box for each day so I know how to pack the info into the week.

Okay, onto the work-folders. Each girl has a 3-ring binder that contains plastic 2-pocket folders. On the front of each folder are 2 velcro squares. One square holds a little laminated number, starting with number 1. I fill that folder with an activity or worksheet. If directions are too complex and can’t be explained on a printed out sheet, then the second velcro square on the front of the folder has a “Work With Mom!” square attached.

The girls then know that they need to ask me for help, or that the activity requires my instruction or a video or something. The girls then work through their folders the rest of the day! When they complete a folder, they remove the number and stick it to their blank chart, showing they can move on. This chart also helps me have a visual way to see how much progress they have made.

Here’s an example of their chart: (this one is Helen’s and it’s taped to the loft railing…the pic looks a little like a scary overpass!)

You will see that I put snack time and lunch and recess in between where their numbers go. This motivates them to finish folder 1 because then it’s snack time! I love it, because each day looks a little different and without being unstructured, I have flexibility to do what fits their workload and our schedule the best. Maybe tomorrow, they will work through 3 folders before snack, or maybe just one! The girls also don’t ask when snack or lunch is, because it’s on their chart at their desks. And, they know that how hard they work makes a difference in when they get those things. I also have little squares for group activities, like Art or Music or Science Lab. So when they see Art on the schedule, they know that special is happening today. I also have a “Mom loves you!” square. When they get to that square on the chart, they know they are done for the day. I just move the square from day to day depending on how many folders and activities we need to get through.

So far, we have finished each day around 2 or 2:30.

When we have lunch, I switch out the laundry.

When they are working on their folders, I am planning the next day, or writing, or studying my own bible study.

This week during recess, the kids have been riding bikes while I walk with the stroller. We go to the park and they play while I keep walking in circles to get my exercise in. We time ourselves and put it on our “Move-it Minutes” chart.

After school is out, the kids are happy to finally play or watch tv. I go through their folders at this time and grade all their daily work and fill in the folders for the next day. I adjust the charts and put it all back on their desks. Done! As we have progressed through this week, the process has been a little easier. It’s nice to see all those printouts disappear as the week goes on. I can visually see that we are learning and making progress and reaching our goals.

The idea is that on Friday we review and test what we have learned. Last night, I wrote tests for each subject, and Friday we will just spend a little bit of the morning reviewing our bible studies and taking our tests. Hopefully, the tests will be a good and simple way for me to track their progress and also keep a record of what we have learned. If ever I need to prove to someone when we enter back into the school system that we indeed did learn something, I’ve got something to hand them.

Whew- that was a lot of explanation on the logistics of how we get through the day! Hopefully, it will be beneficial the next time I mention “binder work” or something. Y’all will have a clue as to what in the world I am talking about! Perhaps if organization gives you the tingles like chocolate or a pedicure gives me, than maybe I’ve made your day!

Now, dare I say, I have even more to share about how we get through the day? My next post: The Great Motivators: M&Ms and the Holy Spirit…

A “wholly” day

August 27, 2013 — 5 Comments

Well, we made it. Day one of school is over. Whew! I am exhausted. At about 10:00 this morning, I was highly questioning my decision from earlier this week to switch to decaf coffee! As tired as I am, words cannot adequately explain how my heart bubbles over with joy and a new found energy from the experiences today…and it’s only day ONE! God is amazing. I can’t explain it, but even though our day was non-stop packed with school stuff, the pace and the general atmosphere of our house was completely different. The day truly felt “holy”- set apart. I was quick to take a mental note: at the end of the next 9 months, how do we keep our days set apart for Jesus, even when life returns to normal. (I don’t have the answer, but hope that God reveals it to me at some point between now and then!)

Our day was not picturesque perfect by any means. There was a good hour to hour and a half in the morning when the baby was crying and wouldn’t take his nap, both girls were frustrated and had questions with their work, and Gideon, well, he was playing with silly putty on the carpet. But, there were times, when everyone was quietly working at their designated areas and the house felt still and peaceful.

Here’s a quick overview of what our day looked like:

We began with breakfast as a family…never, hardly ever does this happen in our house! Then we all headed upstairs to our make-shift school room and did our “kindness starts in the heart” bible study. I planned for half an hour, but we spent an hour coloring, pasting and talking. Gideon launched his heart over the balcony, but given the length of the lesson, he did pretty good.

The best part was when the girls on their own talked about the examples of kindness that were hard for them. It was so nice to hear them say it, rather than me pointing it out to them in the middle of disciplining them. To know that they get it on some level was so satisfying and hopeful. Helen said it’s hardest to let someone help her. (Right on, for her personality.) Ava said it’s hardest to let someone else have a turn, even though you have been waiting. And they added their own act of kindness…wait for it…having nice manners! We discussed how it shows respect and love and care to say ‘thank you’ and ‘your welcome’ and in our house, not smack your food while eating. As we continued the day, they encouraged each other and shared…the pom-pom balls were definitely the motivator, but I pray Jesus is working in them. We will see what happens when the novelty wares off!

Next we moved on to calendar time. This was mainly for Gideon to learn the days of the week and daily weather etc. Ava had to work on her handwriting by doing everything in cursive. Hopefully tomorrow this time will go a little smoother. There was a lot of explaining for something that was supposed to be relatively self-guided for the girls. But at least we set into motion the routine.

From then we were off to working through our work binders. They were my compromise to a workbox organization system in our small classroom space. I think it worked well, but we need to make a few revisions. Once I get the system down, I will have to share more.

(that’s my decaf coffee next to Helen, not hers.) 🙂

We learned about science safety rules, common and proper pronouns, expanded notation, Thurgood Marshall, Abigail Adams, and Sojourner Truth. We started filling in our timeline on the wall and setting up our reading and writing journals. It was a busy day, but a holy one. And well, as it turned out, a wholly one too.

Gideon’s scissor skills need a little priming:

And Helen lost a tooth:

To end our first day, we celebrated by buying some wholesome chocolate and powdered mini doughnuts. Ava said, “Can we do homeschool again next year?” (sigh… dude! I am exhausted! And it’s only been one day!) I wonder if it was the doughnuts, or if she, too could sense feeling set apart. I think that perhaps she, like me, could sense that this was what God desired for us. We weren’t misunderstanding his command. I think, that like me, she could feel the fresh start of a special little adventure for our family that has been designed to “set apart” the next 9 months to a year and focus on inclining our hearts to Jesus.

And maybe it was the doughnuts. 🙂

3 Days and Counting

August 25, 2013 — 2 Comments

Okay, yesterday was officially the last day of summer… Just the weekend and then we start school. I have gone over our plans for the first week over and over again, just to make sure I have everything in line. In my perusing of the beloved Pinterest for homeschool class rules, I came across a very lovely study on The Golden Rule. http://growingupgodskids.blogspot.com/2013/06/the-golden-rule.html

I decided to steal the main idea from this sweet blog and make it my own for our year of family rehab. I thought I’d share, because I found some elements of this list of “rules” very refreshing and Gospel based.

Here it is in a nutshell:

Essentially The Golden Rule- Do unto others as you would have them do to you…- starts in the heart and is all about kindness. Kindness can look like a lot of different things, and I plan to discuss in detail with the kids about some of the many ways we can be kind to one another. An important distinction is that this means we are kind even when others are not kind to us. Jesus talks about turning the other cheek and loving our enemies. So some of these acts of kindness that we will focus on, come with a clause.

Here is our list: (I plan on having the kids be creative and think of more to add)

Giving a soft answer to a sharp comment
Praying for someone who offends you.
Smiling and choosing a good attitude when things don’t go your way.
Listening to someone else.
Giving up a turn.
Cleaning a mess (when it’s not yours to clean)
Saying a kind word of encouragement
Letting someone help you
Waiting for someone patiently

Also, important to defining what The Golden Rule is, we will discuss what it is NOT.

It is NOT being envious of others. (James 3:14-16)
It is NOT being boastful. (Romans 1:30)
It is NOT being selfish. (2 Peter 2:10)
It is NOT thinking evil of others. (Philippians 4:8)

(Again, I plan on getting the kids to think of what being kind in NOT, and add to the list.)

We will discuss how Jesus asks these things of us not because He wants us to modify our behavior and just to “perform” like good little children and parents. He tells us these things so that when we do see kindness overflowing from our heart we know that it is Him living in us. When we see things that are from the “NOT” list, we know that it is our flesh getting in the way of Jesus living through us. And when that happens, there is freedom and forgiveness. Our WHOLE family lives with The Golden Rule as a guide and reminder that Jesus lives in us. These homeschool rules are not just for the kids to follow, but for everyone.

Much like an athlete would train to run faster and prevent injury, we too need to train our flesh to respond to situations and people kinder than we often are feeling in our heart. When someone wrongs us, or things don’t go our way, it’s okay to feel frustrated and disappointed. But we are called to a higher standard than just letting ourselves “blow our lid” or respond in passive aggressiveness.

SO, here is our training plan for the year. (Again, from the previous mentioned blog.)

First and foremost, we will pray nightly for the areas of kindness in which we struggle. The kids will cut out and decorate a heart that will hang by their beds. In the heart they will paste little reminders of what kindness looks like. For example, “soft answer”. Each night during our bedtime routine and prayers, we will include praying for those things that we have been struggling with.

Here’s my bedside heart:

Secondly, during the week we will also have a prayer journal time and encourage the girls to do a little “bible scavenger hunt” for pieces of scripture that speak to their particular struggles. If our actions are an overflow of the heart, then we need to be filling it up with good things. We want to empower our children to search the scriptures for themselves, introducing them to the concordance etc, so they know what to even do with a Bible when they are alone. Much like learning how to use a dictionary, they need to learn how to use their Bibles without Mom or Dad or the Sunday School teacher.

Thirdly, I have 3 clear cups labeled with the three oldest kids’ names. (The baby would just stick it in his mouth.) When someone is recognized as showing kindness to another, as listed above and on our Golden Rule Chart, they get a little sparkly glitter pom pom in their cup. When the cup is full, that child gets a reward. I am thinking a trip to the store with $5 or something- spend it how you like.

I am really excited to have found this idea, and really excited to have a tangible way to be intentionally teaching our children about caring for others, not because that’s what makes good little children, but because the powerful Jesus who transforms hearts is living in them! 🙂 I hope to wrangle in my flesh and look a little more like Jesus in the process, too.

Treatment Initiation

August 22, 2013 — Leave a comment

Treatment Initiation: the first stage of recovery marked by ambivalence, resistance, and denial. Also one of the most emotionally fragile stages in recovery. Treatment staff concentrate on giving the patient hope, bonding them with the rest of the group, and helping them identify with others.

This past week we went on a much needed and long awaited vacation. With all the curriculum research and TEKS reading I have been doing in preparation for our year of rehab, I thought it would be plain irresponsible to take a week at the beach and not study the different ecosystem, the physics of waves, and the salinity of salt water. Okay, it’s obvious that I need help defining the word ‘vacation’. Needless to say, my academic plans for vacation time didn’t result in little geniuses who eagerly traded in boogie boards for a magnifying glass and science composition book. Instead, we talked about my cool experiments I prepared and immediately dismissed them for the pool or a Tinkerbell movie.

I found myself so discouraged. “Some teacher, I am…”, I mumbled under my breath one night about the middle of our trip. Paul reminded me that it was vacation and to give myself a break! But I couldn’t help but doubt our rehab ambitions. I was letting fear of failure blind my previous convictions of obedience. A friend reminded me in a text that “You’re being obedient and God is going to bless that. I’m sure it won’t always be easy, but there is peace in obedience.”. Thank God for godly friends. And for husbands who remind you that it is vacation after all.

I think my little trial run of rehab was alot like the first stage of a drug or alcohol recovery program. First of all, I think I was in denial that we really need family rehab. I think if I really search my heart there is a little voice in there that thinks, “We aren’t really that bad. This is more of a little experiment or just a special opportunity for us.” Let me put it this way: when I envisioned my lesson plan involving carrots and seawater, I pictured my glowing children enamored with my wisdom saying, “You are the coolest mom and the best teacher!”. Then they were supposed to turn to eachother and encourage one another with compliments and hugs, only to yawn and suggest that they all go to bed early so that Mommy and Daddy can rest and have an evening alone to talk. I tend to romanticize everything! Needless to say, that was not their reaction to my lesson, in fact, we didn’t even do that experiment!
Enter resistance. “This was a stupid plan if ever I’ve had one!”. My feelings of discouragement were very much marked with a resistance to comply with what was being asked of me- which very simply is to intentionally love my kids and teach them about Jesus. In all my prep and worry, I had forgotten that it is that command that I am called to obey. God said nothing about carrots and best teacher of the year award. And meanwhile, as I am working on being cool, my kids are getting in the way of my ambitious walk towards awesomeness. Man, do I need rehab, or what. I don’t want to look over their hearts in another selfish campaign.

Well, after resistance came the ambivalence. “Well, whatever…”. Maybe that’s not too bad of a place to be, as long as it’s a surrender to Jesus and his plan, and not laziness and slothfulness. And again, if I’m honest, I probably hung out in slothful for at least a couple days. All the work that I had been pouring into “family rehab” had been tiring and all the work yet to do seemed overwhelming. So I just sat still for a couple days. “Whatever…”

But, just like Treatment Initiation, my therapist (Jesus), surrounded me in my fragile emotional state with love and support. He gave me hope, bonded me with others, and helped me to identify with others. Through texts, messages and phone calls from friends who can relate to skimming the surface of their kids’ hearts, Jesus gently reminded me that, yes, there is work to be done in our family. He reminded me that the need for rehab is there and valid. He reminded me that I am not alone, that He does provide, that He is so faithful.

I’ve got to be honest that there is still a lot of fear of failure and anxiousness thinking about this next year. It was a crazy idea to hold myself accountable through a blog…because it’s working. Knowing that I let all of FaceBook in on this next year is holding me to it! But as the first day of school approaches and Jesus keeps reminding me through His Word and His people that this is a good thing, I am reassured and comforted.

God calls His people to some crazy things. I think if we assume that He wants us to only do the mundane and normal, we haven’t searched through His Word. In the bible, time and time again, He asks much from His people and asks them to do things and go places that seem downright outlandish to us today. But He is the same unchanging God. As scripture also points out, at the end of everyone of those crazy request or adventures, God is glorified. Do those who follow ALWAYS end up with what they originally wanted? No. But God is ALWAYS glorified in the end. My desire is that He be glorified. I’ve just got to remember that!

ANGIE GOEKE

Family rehab