Family Rehab

Life After Rehab: Step 3…

June 25, 2014 — Leave a comment

Wow.  What a weekend!  Helen celebrated her 8th birthday for 3 days solid.  We are all a little partied out at the Goeke household. 🙂  She wanted to be surprised, so we gave her three days of mini-surprises, all of which were revealed to her by secret codes and riddles.  We had a little bit of “surprise and fun” withdrawal Tuesday morning.  Only 45 seconds after awakening, Helen announced that she was bored.  Oh, to be bored…if she only knew the thrill of having nothing to do. 🙂

Now that the craziness of the weekend has passed and I have pretty much recovered from my back issues, AND my secret code writing… it’s back to our Life After Rehab Steps…

 

 

Step 3: Keep Follow-up Appointments.

“Drug rehab programs sometimes work on a stair-step model, where the care provided becomes less and less intense until the person is handling sobriety alone, without assistance. Often, this means that people must head to appointments with counselors in the early days of recovery, even though the formal rehab program is over. Therapy might help people to process feelings regarding work, deal with family transitions, handle relapse triggers, set goals for the future, and strengthen skills. Life can get hectic and demands on time can build and build, but skipping follow-up appointments isn’t advisable. The work should continue, and each appointment should be considered vital to long-term success in sobriety (http://www.michaelshouse.com).

For life after Family Rehab, I’ve got to keep my follow-up appointments. First, I’ve got to keep my appointments with Jesus. Spending time in the Word and placing my struggles and fatigue into His lap will remind me of His sovereignty and love for me and my family. He will fill me with His Spirit and remind me that He lives in me. He will empower me to have continued victory over frustration and impatience, as well as all my other struggles.  He will forgive me when I fail. He will help me process my feelings by filtering them through His Word and He will strengthen me with His peace.

Secondly, I also will need to keep my follow-up appointments with my husband. We are a team in this whole marriage and parenting season of life, which means we are in it for the long haul.  We have got to be on the same page. We have got to advocate for each other in prayer and support the specialized work to which God has called each of us. If there is even a hint of feeling alone on the home-front, we’ve got to address it. If one of us is overwhelmed or sick, we have to step in and love and care for the other, as well as take up some of the work load. If we aren’t regularly checking in with each other, than it is so easy to miss the ever-so-slight downward slope that we can get caught on. The little frustrations or the little overwhelming moments slowly knock us down to nothing. We need to keep those follow-up appointments when things are seemingly ok, because we can rejoice together as well and build each other up. We bought two chairs for a little nook in our bedroom just for the purpose of helping us keep our follow-up appointments with each other. When we see those chairs, we will remember that we bought them with the intent of looking at each other and connecting over conversation. We needed the physical reminder…(plus, they are really cool chairs.) 🙂

But let’s be honest…there are some nights when the last thing I want to do is sit in my chair, face his chair, and talk.  Either one of us can be tired or just simply “done” after a long day of listening and talking.  These are the nights when despite the lack of words or chair conversation, we speak grace to each other in the most profound way.  We don’t have to force conversation for conversation’s sake.  We can rest in the peace and grace of Jesus knowing that skipping “catch-up” time and just resting in silence or the lull of the Tonight Show doesn’t define the state of our marriage.  The chairs are to bring peace and relationship, not legalism.  So we speak grace to each other in those times of fatigue, reassuring each other that Jesus wants us to rest together just as much as talk. That grace-filled interaction puts us on the same page that is so important to our sobriety in life after rehab.

We also need to keep our follow-up appointments with those sober-minded friends, mentors, and counselors.  (See steps 1&2 from earlier posts.)  Who doesn’t need therapy?!?!  Forcing myself into conversations that expect honesty and vulnerability will only keep me honest and vulnerable with myself. I can’t live life only at surface-level, evaluating life by face-value standards and skimming life’s moments and learning opportunities. When I am forced to dig deeper into discovering what God has for me in the every day experiences, I am getting the most out of life and enhancing the lives around me.  And for some reason, this week in particular, I am discovering more and more that my own deep thinking usually needs to be tested on a sound board.  Despite what popular culture says, it’s usually not a good thing for me just to follow my own heart.  It’s pretty full of sin and is all jacked up, so I’ve got to run all my introspective thoughts by a professional…or at least a close friend.

(sigh.) I almost missed mentioning these next set of appointments that I need to remember.  These appointments are crucial.  And as evidenced by the fact that these important people almost went unnoticed, I struggle the most with these meetings.  MY KIDS!  (I just spent the last 30 seconds hanging my head in shame slumped over the keyboard.)  Pretty embarrassing for “family-rehab-lady.”  These steps are really proving to hit me in the gut.  It is so important for me to connect with my children on a daily basis…probably even more.  They need to know we have a relationship that is more meaningful to me than the requests for help around the house and help with their baby brother.  They need to know and be reminded constantly that they serve more of a purpose than simply their birth order in our family.  They need to know that I want to know their interests, their opinions, their fears, their failures, and that with all of it, I still love them deeply.

These appointments help me remember how blessed I am, and that those little people are here because they are just that—little people.  They are not merely extra hands around the house.  They are not merely living creatures to feed.  They are not merely entertainment.  They are not merely here so I can find my identity as a parent.  They are not merely adolescents.  They are treasured, valued, gifted and talented vessels of God’s grace.  Being in their presence (if I am in the right frame of mind and filled with the Spirit) should remind me that I, too, am a treasured, valued, gifted and talented vessel of God’s grace—which leads me to another reason why I should keep these appointments:

When I keep my promises and personal goals to spend quality time with my children, I am giving time and space to speak the Gospel into their lives.  The facts that 1) Jesus gave up His life for us, despite our imperfection; and 2) His same Spirit that had power over the grave and death now lives in us, relate to every facet of our lives, whether adult or child.  It is my privilege to listen to my children and apply this great news to the thoughts, feelings, and details found in their dialogue.  My goal should be that eventually they roll their eyes at me when I start to speak of Jesus’s great sacrifice for them, because they have heard it so many times before.  I want them to hear it so much that they start to anticipate when I am going to “start in again with the Jesus spiel.”  They will start to hear it in their heads before I even say it, which is good practice for when they are older and on their own.  I kind of like the challenge of engaging their hearts with the same message over and over again.  The promises of Jesus don’t get old or lose their gripping satisfaction.  I might get old and struggle to always be creatively rich with my words.  However, Jesus will never fail them.  I want to avoid sending them the inadvertent message that my failure to keep my promises and appointments with them  is a reflection of His promises and His desire to meet them in a personal way.

It’s so easy to forget all of these appointments. It’s so easy to let other things take priority. It’s so easy to get busy.  It’s so easy to play 2048 instead of opening up my Bible and journal.  It’s so easy to let the chairs just collect laundry to be folded. It’s so easy to get bored with the content of my conversations with my children.  It’s so easy to assume I’d have nothing deep to talk about or nothing to learn from a friend or a counselor.  However, committing to these appointments with Jesus, my husband, my kids, and my sober-minded mentors can keep me from slipping into a previous way of living.

But for when I do lack the commitment and the resolve to keep these appointments:

“But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God,
slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness” (Psalm 86:15).

Stay tuned for Life After Rehab: Step 4…

 

Life After Rehab…Step 2

June 19, 2014 — Leave a comment

So Family Rehab has concluded and summer reflection time begins.  Earlier this week, I posted about Step 1 of Life After Rehab, drawing from seven steps I found on a drug rehab site.  The steps are written to help addicts as they transition from a time of intentional learning back to real life.  If you didn’t happen to read about Step 1, please take the time to check it out, as the thoughts after each of the seven steps support all of them.

Before diving into Step 2, I have to take a moment to mention how thankful I am for this thinking and processing time.  God has been overwhelming me this summer with His provision of time and space to think and write.  I feel like I would be “hiding it under a bushel-oh, no!” not to mention the way God has been caring for my heart in a very personal way during this time.  From anonymous donors who have made babysitting possible, to my mom who has given up her week to come and help me while I work from bed with a thrown out back, I have been inundated with blessing.  I hesitate to even write publicly about His provision, because I don’t want others to compare and feel bad about their current situation.  (I say this, because that’s exactly what I have done and would do…)  But the amazing thing is that the same God who has been so generous with me is the same God of everyone who is reading this.  His love for everyone else is just as deep as it is for me.  His generosity and provision no less for anyone else.  I know that at another time, in another season, I will read someone else’s blog and feel jealousy well up within me because their life seems so blessed.  I can hear my own, “Well aren’t you lucky…” sassiness in my head.  I’ve been there before and done that.  Maybe the next time I will remember writing this and will eat my own words.  Hopefully, I will just thank their God for being my God and for taking care of all of His children.

Okay…on with Life After Rehab…

Step 2:  Evaluate the Neighborhood, and Move if Needed.

“For some people, the old neighborhood contains a plethora of reminders about substance use and abuse. They may be walking by their drug dealers on a daily basis, and the street corners, local bar fronts, and green parks might remind them of the times they spent getting drunk or getting high. These memories can be powerful triggers for addiction cravings, and they could be too much for people to resist. Other people may find that their homes are, similarly, unsafe. For example, a study in the journal Substance Use and Misuse found that female heroin users often lived with a current user or a former user. When rehab is over, these people might return to homes filled with drugs, and a relapse might quickly follow. Moving to a new neighborhood can push the reset button on cravings, providing the person with new vistas and new opportunities to explore. The neighborhood might be safer, with fewer available drugs, or it might just be different enough to push the old memories away. If the old neighborhood is unsafe or it’s too hard to live under the burden of memory, moving might be an apt choice” (http://www.michaelshouse.com).

HA! I laughed out loud when I read this step. This is NOT why we moved away from Buda! Nevertheless, I get the point and see how our move to Katy is further evidence that God was at work in our Family Rehab year.  While we weren’t fleeing from unsafe people or places, we did find ourselves in “new vistas” and with “new opportunities to explore.”  Honestly, we haven’t really done a lot of this work, so this step is still very applicable for our family.  We don’t want to get swept up in the chaos of American dream setting and fast-paced living that we neglect the hearts of our children yet again.  And the struggle to end up there again is even greater in a new place with the pressure to fit in to our surroundings.  Before Family Rehab, the majority of our time was committed to people and places outside of our home (for us, as adults, as well as for the children). These commitments were all with good people and were for healthy reasons.  But with every “yes” to other people we were saying “no” to focused time with our children.  Having them home for school has dramatically changed the amount of hours we have alone with them.  For this I am grateful and see the benefits of spending my days with them.  Our conversations are not limited to the dinner table or at bedtime.  This is one area where we dramatically changed our surroundings during Family Rehab.  For life after Rehab, this might be a change in lifestyle that we choose again next year.

The fact that I don’t really know anyone yet here in Katy has helped me in not spreading my schedule too thin. But, I know the time will come when the temptation to over-commit will call.  More concerning than over-committing time away from home, is the temptation to misuse the time I do have with the kids.  Am I looking past them to the calendar for my next mommy-break?  Am I easily frustrated that they just won’t go to bed because I am more concerned about sitting down and doing nothing than I am about discovering the state of their little hearts?  Once our new house becomes our home, I am certain that these temptations will become a part of our new norm…honestly, they already have.  But, it’s because of my weakness in giving in to these areas that we started our year of rehab in the first place.  Moving to another house or city will not be an option when these selfish cravings pursue.  I’m not sure what the right step will be, but I do know that likely God will ask me to do something that causes change and shakes things up a bit.  I need to be open to that.  I need to prepare myself now because that time will likely come and sacrifice will likely be asked of me.  A life of faith-risks and ultimate trust is what is asked of me.

Perhaps what is worth noting from this step is exactly that–being willing to do the “crazy” thing for the purpose of sobriety—sober-mindedness (see previous post).  Think for a minute how huge of a deal it would be to just pack up and pick up and move to another part of town, all for the purpose of getting away from temptation.  That’s a pretty extreme step for the sake of healthy living.  Especially if what you are tempted to do is widely accepted, joked about, and encouraged in our culture.  But, if you consider doing it for your kids, that might become a different story.

Consider this:  If your child was being bullied by a young neighbor down the street, or a predator was stalking your teenage daughter, relocating for the sake of their safety wouldn’t be that much of a stretch.  So if the culture I am living in and submitting myself to encourages me to neglect and be disappointed in my children because they are “in the way”, then are my kids really safe with me—in my home?  So what dramatic changes will I need to take if we find ourselves living in the neighborhood of busyness, impatience, fear, and neglect?  I have to at least be willing to consider that changing something might be the right thing to do, not just for the children, but for all of us.  If it upsets my comfort, is an inconvenience, or requires sacrifice, than I’ve got to remember that I am the only one who can be asked to take such drastic measures for my children.  God has entrusted me and my spouse with them, called me to care for them and teach them, to facilitate their growth into little men and women of God.  (Deuteronomy 6:7)  I can’t get out of this one… (sigh).  I can’t look to the Sunday School teacher or the swim coach to take over this responsibility.  Am I willing?  Will I be willing when even more is asked of me than just “Family Rehab?”

This is a really hard question to honestly consider.

[silence]

Yep…that’s about as far as I let it sink in for me, too.  It’s a hard question to consider until we are at the crossroads of the sacrifice and the decision to follow-through.  My prayer is that for all of us, when we are asked to deny ourselves and pick up our crosses and follow Him, that we will find the courage to do so.  I pray that God will give us all a clear enough picture of the destructive drugs we are being asked to run from that when sacrifice is required in the fleeing, there is no doubt that giving them up will be worth it.

We can incorrectly assume that life after rehab means all the hard work and incredible sacrifice is over.  But it’s not.  There will always be more opportunities to refine who we are and adjust our thinking and priorities.  There will be new drugs, new temptations, and new addictions.  The humbling thing is that God in His mercy provides joy in the midst of sacrifice.  That joy is the overflow of a thankful heart that sees and recognizes the mercy and grace of the Father.  The temptation to “just get through” the day instead of invest in those with whom you share the day, the drug-like highs of productivity, busyness, and stress that cause a back-lash of hurtful behavior towards the ones we love, the culture that lures us into lazy and slothful parenting—God lifts our heads above these things.  He gives us hope to overcome these things, because He already has and He simply just cares that much.  He rescues us from the entrapment and slavery of these things.  For that, we have reason to be joyful, to give Him praise, and to worship Him.  Even if we are asked to sacrifice time or comfort, or even neighborhoods, knowing that we have been freed up to be freed from our addictions gives us thankful hearts and joy in the midst of sacrifice.

“And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me, and I will offer in his tent sacrifices with shouts of joy; I will sing and make melody to the Lord” (Psalm 27:5-7).

Life After Rehab…Step 1

June 17, 2014 — Leave a comment

“IT’S SUMMER?!?!? WHAT? WHO? WHERE? WHEN?!?”

So it hit me the other day that summer is here.  Oh, don’t misunderstand…I know that it is summer!  We have been looking forward to the days when there’s no school and there are more hours to play.  (Although, with our recent relocation, we’ve really been acting like it’s summer since Christmas.)  So it wasn’t really the fact that summer has arrived that caught me off guard.  What was profoundly shocking about my realization was that our year of “Family Rehab” is over.  When we started this crazy adventure, we committed to taking one school year at home to rehabilitate our family and our hearts.  Wow.  The school year is over.  Those 9 months went by incredibly fast.  This surprising conclusion has raised many questions concerning Family Rehab:

“Was it worth it?”

“Did we succeed and change?”

“Did we learn anything?”

“Are we better for it, or worse?”

“If we’ve learned anything during this year, how do we keep from reverting to old habits and behaviors?”

When a person enters a formal drug treatment program, they don’t stay there forever.  They go through months of overpowering therapy and work, learning how to live in a world that entices them back to their addictions.  It’s an intense time created with the purpose of preparing the person to one day leave the facility in better physical, mental, and emotional health.  When a person is leaving a treatment facility for drug or alcohol abuse, there can be a lot of similar questions to my Family Rehab questions:

“Was is worth it?”

“Did I succeed and change?”

“Did I learn anything?”

“Am I better for it, or worse?”

“How am I going to survive out there?”

“How can I keep from falling off the wagon?”

I did a little research and found 7 helpful steps from a rehab website (http://www.michaelshouse.com) for those re-entering life after rehab.  I think these steps are helpful for our family also as we consider life after Family Rehab.  In the posts to come, I will cover these steps and how they relate to all of us in our every day walk.

First of all, it’s wise to note that going to rehab of any kind, whether for substance abuse or for Family Rehab, doesn’t fix a person and take away their struggles.  Rehab is designed to concentrate on the tools needed to face the struggle head-on and to lead a life of sobriety.  1 Peter 1:13 says, “Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”  Our struggles with sin, with parenting, with relationships, and with coping in this world rely soley on the saving grace of Jesus.  Our hope lies in Him–not in improving our performance or trying harder.  So these helpful tips for diving back into the real world after a season of intentional learning and healing are not the saving secret codes to life.  They are merely help in maintaining that sober-mindedness.  They are merely a way to keep the mind prepared for the action that life throws our way.  These 7 steps I will share over the next week can help make the transition from a slower pace of intentional living back into regular life a little less stressful.

 

Step 1:  Find Sober Friends

“Addictions often form through the influence of other people. Studies on teens, such one published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, clearly demonstrate that peer pressure is a powerful motivator for drug use, as those teens who spend time with pro-drug friends are more likely to use when compared to teens who spend time with sober friends. The same could be said for adults. Those who have friendships built on drugs may find it hard to go to parties, share meals, or otherwise interact and stay sober, as the temptation to use might grow and spread. Sober friends can be vital, as they may be willing to engage in fun activities that don’t involve substance abuse. Temptation levels might fade when people are surrounded by others who are sober” (http://www.michaelshouse.com).

Using this logic from a drug rehabilitation program as a guide, step 1 for Family Rehab is also to find sober friends–that is, sober-minded friends.  1Timothy 3 speaks directly to sober-minded influences or leaders and overseers in the church:

“Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church? He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil. Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil” (1 Timothy 3:2-7).

It doesn’t take much thought to see the wisdom in seeking out sober-minded friends.  When surrounded by people who demonstrate the qualities listed above, peer pressure alone makes us better people.  But, in the book of Titus, Paul explains the the relationship with sober-minded people is not just one that consists of merely being surrounded my these people.  They have been called to be teachers and we are to allow ourselves to be taught by them.  He writes to these teachers:

“But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled. Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us. Bondservants are to be submissive to their own masters in everything; they are to be well-pleasing, not argumentative, not pilfering, but showing all good faith, so that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior” (Titus 2:1-10).

Wow…I want to be around someone who has been charged with all that and is willing to take on the challenge.  I want to learn from them, study them, and become like them.

In the next phase of our “sobriety”, I think it is important that each member of our family find sober-minded friends.  Not just friends, but mentors–people from whom we can learn.  For Paul and I we have various mentors already in place for different areas of life.  But I think we need to look forward with the goal of really seeking mentorship in the area of parenting specifically.  There are couples God has placed in our lives whose families we admire.  Their children are respectful and follow Jesus with a passion.  Their marriage seems strong and steady.  They speak of their spouses with the upmost grace and care, never slandering or damaging them.  They deal with stressful situations with calm and peaceful ease demonstrating a firm belief and trust in the Lord’s plan.  I want to encourage my children to seek out mentors in older children as well.  (Of course, we have to approve their choice.)  But we want them to start now looking to older and more seasoned believers for guidance and wisdom.  We are naive if we think our children will come to us for advice on all areas of life.  We are also naive if we think we can go through life as parents without mentors.  I want us all to learn how to recognize and make relationships with sober-minded friends.  (Us ladies, find ladies.  The guys, find guys.)  This, however, doesn’t mean that we circle the wagons and cut-off relationships with those who are outside our circles of faith or condone the particular sins others struggle with.  It does mean that those relationship look a little different.  If a women is struggling to respect her husband and is filled with frustration, she probably shouldn’t go vent to her girlfriend who is constantly husband bashing.  That won’t bear any good fruit or set her up to battle her temptation to sin.  Likewise, the man who is struggling with lust probably would not do well to go hang out with a group of guys from work whose relationship is built around frequenting the local strip club.  It also will not bear good fruit, nor set him on a path away from temptation.

Who we spend time with, learn from, and let influence our decisions is important.  In our American culture we tend to think our opinions and convictions are invincible.  But in reality we are so easily impacted by popular trendy beliefs, voices of “intellect” and status, and by merely unconsciously observing the lives of others.  Just like the addict, spending the weekend with a best friend doesn’t seem like a potentially dangerous plan in which safety has to be questioned–and maybe it’s not.  But the purpose of rehab is to train ourselves to at least be willing to ask questions about the people we let speak into our lives…whether the person is as close a relative or spouse, or as distant as Oprah.

Not only do we need to ask questions about current relationships, but we need to seek out sober-minded friends and mentors.  This is a hard process…especially when in a new area like our family currently is.  But, the hard and awkward work of getting to know people and learning about them is all worth the effort if the result is having relationships with people who are courageously marking a path of sobriety before you, and setting up boundaries in relationships that might discourage positive headway on the journey.

My prayer is that God leads us to these good relationships and gives all of us, but especially our children, the discernment and wisdom to identify sober-mindedness and the courage to engage and learn from those who possess it.  I also pray that we cling to those relationships that are already established and have been proven to bear good fruit.  Through all of our life after rehab I pray that we don’t forget our most valuable lesson from the past year—that our greatest friend and influence is Jesus.  His faithfulness is unmatched.  His sobriety amidst trial and temptation is above that of anyone else.  His relationship—a priceless treasure.  His forgiveness—unending.  His love—relentless.

Psalm 25:14 says, “The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him, and he makes known to them his covenant.”   He makes known to us His faithfulness to His great promises.  Whatever “Life After Rehab” will look like, we can trust that in His friendship He will let us know the “what, who, where, and when” of each moment.  He has promised to love us, to never forsake us, and to guide us.  And we can trust that He will open our eyes to see the fulfilling of those promises.

Keep an eye out for Step 2 of Life After Rehab…

Baby blue…like the Colorado skies…

May 16, 2014 — 1 Comment

So again, I’ve been feeling sad, a little blue, you might say.  I think it’s pretty simple—no need to over analyze.  I just miss my people and places.  I miss the Broken Spoke, my Buda HEB cashiers, the simplicity of THE one stoplight on Main Street, South Congress, Gordough’s Big Fat Doughnuts, House Pizza on Airport, Town Lake, and the list could go on.  Even sitting in this Katy Starbucks deceives me into believing I am sitting near IH-35 in the Buda Starbucks and life hasn’t changed.  When we lived in Austin, I used to get frustrated at the “Austin is the best place on earth” mentality.  It seemed so self-righteous.  But now I get it.  It really is the best city on earth. 🙂

Earlier this month, we had the opportunity to go to Colorado as a family.  It was the first time to be on a plane for the kids (that they can remember) and it was the first time for us to travel that far with four kids.  In short, we all grew a little. 🙂

We had a moment in the car when one child did not want to go into the mountains.  Despite the prospect of snow, adventure and fun, the fear of the mountain was too much.  I don’t know if it was the foreknowledge of steep cliffs, avalanches or rock slides that was causing the trepidation, but whatever the source,  it was all too much.  In an effort to encourage, I tried to describe how fun the snow would be, how beautiful the trees would be, how amazing and worth it the drive up to the top would be.  None of it was convincing.  So, with tears rolling down the cheeks, we just forced all parties in the car up into the Rockies.

It ended up being worth it. (Go figure.) While this annual trip was not as restful as it has been in the past, we did have good fun family time together.  Here are a few pics of our adventures:

Manitou Cave Dwellings

Manitou Cave Dwellings

The boys and SNOW!

The boys and SNOW!

The Wolf Sanctuary

The Wolf Sanctuary

Feeding time for all. Notice the wolf eyeing Judah for dessert.

Feeding time for all. Notice the wolf eyeing Judah for dessert.

Gold Mine Tour

Gold Mine Tour

 

We hunted for cave-dwelling Indians, gold, snow, and even wolves.  Well, they were easy to find because they were behind the fence and it was feeding time.  And everyone had no regrets about being in the heights of the mountain range.  Once the wonders of the mountain had been experienced, all fear and concern was gone.

In all the traveling and excitement, I rarely had to time to process anything.  This trip has become a mile-marker of sorts.  Every Cinco-de-Dyer (our friend, David Dyer’s, May 5th birthday) we trek to Colorado.  In the past the week of solitude and reflection has made every trip memorable and unique in that there has been a lot of introspective and identifying of the season we are in or the big lesson for that year.  It’s been a time to pause while on the outside of our normal life and take note of what God is doing.  We’ve been afforded the opportunity to take a “Colorado skies” panoramic of life and how the Spirit is guiding us.  (And if we’ve been following or not.)

This year, that didn’t happen.  At least not with the same intentionality.  But I remember that it was last year on this trip that as we drove down the mountain paths with huge vistas of blue sky and snow-capped mountains on either side, Family Rehab was born.  It was while in the beauty and splendor, without our kids, that a yearning to share it with them was born.  “It” was the beauty of the Lord—all that He has created and all that He has done.  His majesty spreads farther than the baby blue Colorado skies.  His splendor and power is also evident in our lives.  And by “our”, I mean everybody.  Whether a believer or not, God is working in your life.  Whether you confess God as your creator and Jesus as your Redeemer, or not…He’s at work in your life.  Whether we believe or not, I dare say we don’t notice or acknowledge the majority of His workings in every facet of our lives.  Whether we believe or not, He is pursuing all of us.  He pursues not to destroy and condemn, but to love and lavish forgiveness and mercy upon us.  Contemplating this, and knowing that He is pursuing me and loving me, no matter how small I am in comparison to Pike’s Peak, makes me feel amazing–so amazing that I want to make sure my children feel the depth and breadth of His love for them.  It was the desire to share with them the truth of how much they are loved and treasured that fueled Family Rehab.  And I wanted to make sure that I wasn’t just telling them from a philosophical or religious mentality.  I wanted them to hear it from my heart, as someone who has experienced His love.  But let’s get real.  I don’t always feel it.  I don’t always believe that it’s there.  Like right now…I mean, if He loved me, He wouldn’t have called me out of Austin!

To a warm-weathered Texan, it doesn’t make much sense why anyone would live in sub-freezing temperatures and shovel snow.  In the same way, believing that 1) God exists; and 2) He knows me; and 3) that He pursues me with love doesn’t make sense to everyone either.  I don’t always see snow.  I am so far removed from it at times that I don’t remember exactly how it feels in my hands.  I can’t adequately describe in words the crunchy sound it makes under my feet.  But if I took you to the mountain, made you kneel beside me and make a snowman, you would know and understand the thrill and joy it brings because you experienced it.  I think this is the tricky thing for a believer.  I can tell you with all manner of words how knowing and trusting Jesus is better than life, but until you experience it for yourself, it just won’t compute.  And if I asked you to travel with 4 kids through an airport then drive in a tear-filled SUV up a mountain trail to experience it, you may not take the challenge, because without knowing the value of the view at top, the view of the journey holds no worth.

It takes risk to climb a mountain.  It takes faith to live on one.  It takes commitment to shovel through ice and snow winter after winter.  But if we go to the mountain together, we can remind each other of the scary cliffs and the exhilaration of making the journey past them.  If we go together, we can communicate with fewer words of convincing and more across-the-room glances of solidarity and connection.  Taking my kids to the mountain daily is a key part of Family Rehab.  It’s not about me simply sharing bible stories or rehearsing scripture memory verses.  I am inviting my children into my personal experience with Jesus.  When I struggle, they need to see it–because Jesus will show up.  When I am sad, they need to hear about it–because Jesus will say something.  When I am happy, they need to know the source of it–because Jesus will be pursuing them with storehouses full of it.  If I don’t help them experience Jesus, they might miss Him like so many others.  They might believe in Him, but they might miss experiencing Him and all His goodness.

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!  (Psalm 34:8)

I want my kids to not only taste and see that snow is good.  I want them to taste and see with all their senses that Jesus is good.  I don’t just want them to push past their fears and see that snow and mountain-fresh air is worth it in the end.  I want them to push past insecurities and doubts and the fear of being fully known and see that freedom in Jesus is worth it.  In a world that sometimes portrays a Jesus who is disappointed in us and pities us, I want them to know from experience that “Jesus is always good news” as my husband puts it.  He loves us and wants good for us.  He pursues us with grace and mercy and open arms.  He wants us to be happy and full of joy, not guilt and shame.  Experiencing that freedom first hand is key.  To be loved for who you are right now, in all your failures and insecurities, knowing that right now, without changing a thing, you are worth dying for–that’s worth the pain of being honest about your imperfection.  That kind of love doesn’t exist in any other religion, with any other god, or in any human relationship.  We’d like to think that we can love unconditionally, but if we are honest, we really do expect quite a lot of good behavior from those that we love.  Jesus does what no one else can.  He loves me completely and freely…no strings attached.

Oh, kids…taste and see that the Lord is good!  Oh, friends…taste and see that the Lord is good!  Oh, believers…taste and see that the Lord is good!  Oh, Angie…taste and see that the Lord is good!  (even when I’m homesick)  I need to listen to my own rant here.  In my sadness over seeing and tasting familiar Austin things no more, I need to remember that Jesus looks better and tastes better.  What He has for me here makes everything else pale in comparison.  It may take awhile to see it, to experience it here, but He is at work and He is lavishing grace and mercy on me every moment.  I need to heed my own advice.  I need to push past the tendency to withdrawal in the safety of my house.  I need to gather around me the people He has given me in this place for a journey up the mountain so we can experience His wonders together and remind each other that, yes–He is here, He is good.  Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good. 🙂

 

It’s getting personal…

April 30, 2014 — Leave a comment

So I have been feeling rather guilty lately about quite a few things.  I seem to be taking everything very personally.  I feel bad about my lack of posts.  I can’t seem to get into the rhythm of regularly writing (or showering for that matter).  My  food intake could be made into the next fast food documentary and how it causes weight gain and lack of energy.  School has been hit or miss.  We did really well for one week.  The girls were on a rotating schedule for making breakfast and we had new “classroom” procedures that were catchy and cute that all the kids seemed to enjoy.  Then the weekend came and we fell off the wagon…and that was 2 or so weeks ago.  Really my guilt is subtle pride.  I wish I could be more, do more, and control more and think I actually possess the power to do so on a good day.  So, consider paragraph #1 my confession and repentance for all of that.  🙂

I also have been convicted about my disdain for pets.  We have a cat that I can’t stand.  He’s so full of himself and I have no compassion or affection for him.  Any animal that retaliates by pooping or peeing on their owner’s personal belongings shouldn’t be a pet in my opinion.  I take every act of defiance from the cat personally.  I think he knows I don’t like him and he knows he isn’t going anywhere either because my oldest daughter would crumble into pieces without him.  He’s got me right where he wants me and it drives me crazy. But the other day, I was reading Proverbs 12:10: “Whoever is righteous has regard for the life of his beast, but the mercy of the wicked is cruel.”  UGH…really God? Now, I have to have regard for the life of the cat?  It’s so inconvenient when the Word gets personal.

Later that day, we were leaving a store and there were puppies outside who were up for adoption.  I had no desire to have another pet, but she was so darn cute and that stinkin’ Proverb was stuck in my head.  So, now we also have a puppy.  I guess Jesus is changing me.  Meet Phoebe:

photo

She is so sweet and her story is so sad.  She was found in a dumpster and rescued.  Then the family that initially adopted her had a Great Dane that kept sitting on her so they returned her.  All the misfortune of her short 5 months of life has softened my heart for her.

Jesus is working on changing more than just my compassion for animals.  Phoebe has dramatically changed our family routines for the better.  Now we go on walks and play outside much more.  She has snapped us out of an unhealthy physical lifestyle rut.  I am so glad that we gave in to those big ol’ bat ears of hers. 🙂  Through Phoebe, God has reminded me that we need routine that looks different for a different season in life.  I can’t expect to be transplanted from one place to another, keep the same systems and schedules, and be sane.

God has been reminding me here and there through friends and new acquaintances that times of transition and change can really send everyday rhythms and the best of intentions topsy-turvy.  I think God has purposefully introduced me to numerous people who school their children at home.  They have all reminded me that it’s okay to take this time to settle and find those new rhythms and that there is no set time limit on this particular season of life.  This season has included meeting new people and going to new places and just figuring life out again–and that takes time.  I am so thankful for the encouragement that the way things look right now is okay for right now.

Family Rehab has started to focus on personal growth and change and not just coming together as a family. It’s getting personal. Though life right now is at times uncomfortably new, I feel as though we are really walking in a new found health by being forced into trusting Jesus together as a family.  More and more I see how this move and ministry change has enhanced our  Family Rehab process.  There’s nothing like taking a fish out of its round bowl and plunging it into the sea to see what it’s really made of.  There have been times when I am fearfully hiding behind artificial purple coral and other times when I have puffed myself up like a blow fish to give the illusion of grandeur.  Neither is okay.  Neither is displaying trust in Jesus.  I am slowly learning to trust God in how He has made me, trust Jesus in how He has redeemed me, and trust the Holy Spirit in how He continues to transform me.  Every day I am presented with a new opportunity to check myself and my responses to my different surroundings.  I need to learn these things and apply them to my personal life if I want to effectively teach my children how to trust Jesus with the daily stuff.

This past weekend our family was invited to a birthday party.  We were going to be meeting a lot of new people, which for me can be quite overwhelming.  So my heart and my thoughts were already vacillating between fear and arrogance as we got in the car.  Everyone was to bring a favorite food or dish to share.  We decided to pick up some Chinese food from the amazing place we stumbled upon the week we moved.  Because of my anxiety about having to eat, talk, feed the baby, and juggle kids while maintaining conversation, a good disposition and keeping food off my face and out of my teeth, I decided to eat a few egg rolls in the car as we drove to our new friend’s house.  Those egg rolls were so satisfying.  (They deserve at least 30 minutes in my unhealthy food documentary.)

We pulled up to the house as I was cramming the last two-bites-worth into my mouth.  Grease ran down my chin and I panicked when I realized there were no napkins in the to-go bag.  Oh, great…what a way to meet people!  I grabbed something out of the diaper bag and quickly wiped what I could just as the rest of my gang piled out of the car.  No need for a last minute application of lip gloss when you’ve got egg roll grease!  I was instantly reminded of my uncanny ability to focus on the wrong things, fear the wrong things, and try to fix the wrong things.  The evening was wonderful and I had no problems with kids, or eating, or even spinach in my teeth.  (At least no one told me about it.)  It was just a gentle reminder that I am nothing more or less than what Jesus has made me to be…and that’s enough and just right for the season and place in which He has put me.

I don’t often possess that kind of strength and confidence in Jesus and His plan.  I usually feel as though I am not enough and  therefore, have to supplement what God has done for me and in me.  How arrogant!!  I can’t add to what He has done.  I can’t add to what He has called me to do for this particular season.  He knows what is best and He does more than enough to equip me for each and every thing.  He will equip me with time, resources, and His Spirit at just the right time.  And when He does, I will have so much to rely on that things will come with ease and joy.

It’s become a helpful thing to ask myself a few questions when I am met with these “out of fish bowl” experiences.  I need to make the experience a growth opportunity as part of my personal rehab.  First of all, I have to ask myself, “What emotion I am even feeling?”  I know this sounds a little ridiculous.  But I am learning that often the emotion that is seen on the outside, especially by others, isn’t really at all the emotion that is at the root.  When I lash out with impatience with my kids, it’s hardly because they have done something to drive me to that point.  It usually has to do with some insecurity I am feeling about something completely unrelated to them.  Or if I am feeling exhausted and tired, the emotion of sadness is usually at the root of my fatigue.  So it’s helpful for me to ask the question.  It can force me not only to take time to process what is really at the root of my behavior and outward emotions, but also snaps me out of whatever emotional outburst I am having. Then I am ready to deal with it and address the real issue.  Again, I need to learn how to do this myself if I want to train my children to have the same introspection.

It’s also helpful for me to ask myself the following two questions:  1) What is my fear/insecurity/worry saying about myself? and 2) What is my fear/insecurity/worry saying about my God?  Whatever the answers are, they usually are not true.  This process helps to identify the lies that I am believing and to see them as such.  Sometimes the fear or worry that I have is so unfounded and ridiculous, yet so covered in “valid” emotional responses to situations.  It seems really rational in the moment to be freaking out about egg roll grease, but what is that saying about myself and about my God?  It says that I am not capable of creating relationships unless everything is perfect.  That’s not true.  The most precious relationships that I have are the result of being imperfect around others.  It also says that my God can’t provide for me and has somehow forgotten about me and my situation.  But He can provide!  He does provide.  He continues to provide, whether that be time to eat food or someone to help feed the baby while I have a conversation.  And He hasn’t forgotten about me!  Even with slimy-feeling residue on my face, He is in control of the situation and has me in His hands.

Psalm 65:8-10 says, “so that those who dwell at the ends of the earth are in awe at your signs.
You make the going out of the morning and the evening to shout for joy.  You visit the earth and water it; you greatly enrich it; the river of God is full of water; you provide their grain, for so you have prepared it.  You water its furrows abundantly, settling its ridges, softening it with showers, and blessing its growth.”

I’m learning.  We are learning.  It’s all a part of Family Rehab, which is shaping up to be a life-long journey.  And, it’s getting personal.  In and through God’s abundant water flow of provision, He is settling my ridges.  He is softening my heart.  He is causing me to grow.