Yesterday was the first day of school. The official introductory step over the threshold into Life After Rehab. We’ve been building up anticipation for this event, buying school uniforms, backpacks, and those coveted new box of crayons. The night before was full of anxiety and fierce emotion for the kids. (Some children more contained than others.) We recognized old patterns return. We caught sober-mindedness fleeing the building. We saw lots of kicking…
But somehow, through the insanity, as parents, we remained calm and level-headed. That’s not to imply that we have mastered anything at all, but it did show some return from our rehab year. More pointedly, it was the fruit of the Spirit that we witnessed. Our stretch of Rehab has trained us, if even a little, in allowing the Spirit to assert His temperament over our own.
So much anticipation…
This past weekend, I made monkey bread in preparation for Sunday morning. The kids usually request doughnuts, because they know I’m a softy for fried sweetened gluten and special Sunday morning outings, especially when we are running late. But in an effort to break the habit, I thought that I’d let sugared monkey bread dough rise over night in the oven so that I could quickly bake it in the morning. I have a poor habit of never reading a recipe more than once. If I’ve gotten the general idea of the dish from the first go around, I figure I will remember enough for the next time. This usually works out well for me, except when baking. You have to be precise and accurate with measurements of flour and yeast. There’s a good deal of behind-the-scenes science and chemical reactions going on in that kitchen kiln, that I seriously should have learned by now not to leave any of that finite math to estimations.
I’m a slow learner…
Sunday sunup, Ava had generously volunteered to surface early and turn on the oven to bake the monkey bread. But when she opened the door to take the swelling dough out and let the oven pre-heat, this is what she discovered…
Thank you, Daddy for thinking to take a picture. 🙂
The softened butter and crystalized brown sugar slid off off the rounded clouds of dough and sat on the floor of my embarrassingly dirty oven. All that salty sweet bliss…sigh
Ava and I pulled the mess out and sat it on the counter. We gently tugged at the gooey-ness and discarded the extra dough into another pan…no way we were wasting all that goodness! As we nipped and tucked, no matter how gentle our efforts, air escaped from the bottled dough bulges.
So much anticipation…
for that monkey bread. Those 8 nighttime hours it sat in wait–rising, multiplying, gaining grandeur and fluff. We all were looking forward to its butter-soaked delight at dawn. What we found was not at all what we expected. It was shocking. It was profound. It was super-sized.
Yesterday morning when we woke for school, I fully imagined the worst. I don’t know if that designates me a horrible mom, or a prepared mom. But what I observed was not at all what I anticipated. The kids were all fed, dressed (including socks and shoes, which usually equates minor surgery), and smiling…early. Yes, early. We appeared at school and had to actually wait in the hallway because we were too early. (“Early” happens even less than wearing socks and tennis shoes.)
Yeast is a peculiar thing. This cooking agent that is so small, when given exactly the right ingredients (in the right proportions) develops into the amazing goodness that gives sustenance and satisfies the rawest of needs…hunger. We had been craving for something in our family. We had been hankering to taste that which satisfies, that surpasses the expectations of mere bread, that which bounds over the limits of American success. Rehab taught us that only Jesus satisfies the appetite to live life to the fullest. And like yeast, He comes in ways that we don’t expect and ways that we can’t prepare for. He comes in forms that do not simply fill us, but overwhelm our tins with exciting and fantastic satisfaction. Though we don’t set the menu, we still anticipate the meal He is preparing. As we wait to encounter what He does for our children and for our family this next year, and the years beyond, we have no idea what He will do, or how He will do it. But, we get to wait in suspense. We get to watch the dough rise and fluff. We get to smell the artisan bread waft through the house. We don’t know yet what’s to come from this season, but it brings joy to watch the yeast double and swell. It builds our enthusiasm and anticipation.
It’s difficult to see life’s dough topple over out of our plans and not tug and pull at it’s unexpected bobbles. We like to control. We prefer to help out with the plan God has already put into motion. We love to amend the dimensions of the pan/plan and how long things should have to bake in the uncomfortable fire. When we get pushy with the strategy of God we can puncture the thin skin on those delicate bubbles of dough. He desires for us to marvel at the size and magnitude of our anticipation. He wants us to experience the full goodness of those light and flaky layers once they are perfected in the baking. When we implement our own program into His sovereign unknown providence, we steal our own glorious anticipation…the anticipation He desires us to marvel in. We deny ourselves the fine and intricate pastry he’s prepared, and end up with chewy and dense life moments that ferment bitterness at where we’ve been and how we’ve lived…what hardships have been dealt our way.
Oh, I pray that we don’t get anxious for His blessings–that we don’t preemptively pop His bubble–that we don’t steal His thunder–that we don’t scheme to discover the plans for our own surprise party. Until He serves up the monkey bread on his precise time table, I pray that we hold no expectations, but only hold our breath in joyous anticipation.
Let the yeast rise…
ANGIE GOEKE 